It is no secret that I spend what most sound-minded people would consider to be a deeply ludicrous amount of time on the internet. Part of this is not my fault–my work is the internet, so my staying employed depends on knowing and anticipating the sweet spot between enjoyment and distraction for other people–but most of it, I would have to say, is by choice. What can I say? I love a good meme. Because of this, I spend a lot of my time, both free and otherwise, staring at screens. I also spend a lot of time analyzing and thinking about the things I see on the internet that might not mean as much–if anything at all–to other people.
This has become most apparent in the common internet trope of relationship goals–basically, the Instagram-friendly practice of taking pictures of certain moments in one’s relationship to make it appear perfect, which, in my own personal opinion, is very dumb–which I have, for reasons unbeknownst even to myself, dedicated the past year or so of my life to breaking down and scrutinizing as many times as I can. My latest nitpick? Money. Specifically, money that these couples appear to be hemorrhaging generously–all they do is go to Bali and buy designer sweatpants!–but I am not quite sure that they actually have, as they don’t appear to actually be doing anything to earn them.
Now, I am not naïve enough to think that all of these couples are spending their own money to create their own content, obviously. I am familiar with the concept of an influencer, the many benefits of #sponcon, and how one might use it to monetize a relationship, but after what is probably too much investigation, I have reached he conclusion that at least some of these relationship goals couples have run out of money at this point. Check out these relationship goals couples who, for many reasons, really have to be broke by now:
1. I mean. This sets a dangerous gifting precedent, yes?
2. As does this:
3. Look. Flowers are expensive:
4. Are Bieber tickets included in this gift surge?
now THIS is what i call relationship goals pic.twitter.com/DZ0iWX55a5
— anny (@BeautyOfJDB) October 27, 2016
5. ‘Cause those can get expensive:
Bae even gave me the approval pic.twitter.com/MHDrtySdSS
— 126. (@purposejailey_) October 10, 2016
6. A private plane? MUST BE NICE:
7. Parasailing? MUST BE NICE:
8. A car of allergies? MUST BE NICE:
9. Now, some couples can only afford one Clydesdale between the two of them:
10. Others get two camels by the pyramids. Good for them:
11. Look. I don’t want to nitpick. But Calvin Klein underwear adds up, y’all:
12. And I don’t know how much a custom-made furry suit goes for these days, but I’m sure it can’t be cheap:
13. Then, there are the girls who just get…literal stacks of money:
— Killz △⃒⃘ (@AKillzz) August 3, 2013
14. Like this:
Bae gave me spending money ??? pic.twitter.com/fXS3DiL9qW
— aLexis Bryant (@lexis23bull) September 3, 2016
— gray v. grey (@lxtholwethu) July 9, 2014
16. It’s just…they’re broke by now. Right?
17. They just…have to be:
What do you think of these goals? Do you think they are actually broke, too? Let us know in the comments!