The world is already full of people telling you shouldn’t, can’t, or aren’t allowed to do something you want to do. Most of those arbitrary rules are just that – completely ridiculous. That said, some of them are actually necessary. When it comes to relationships, there are a few clear signs that point to the fact that you can’t have a boyfriend at the moment, and it’s important to listen to them, even if you don’t really want to. It’s for your own good! Sometimes, you’re not in the right place *emotionally* to be dating someone, and doing it anyway could cause a whole bunch of annoying issues.
Of course, this doesn’t only go for boyfriends – if you’re a girl who dates girls, these signs are for you too. Being in a relationship is about more than just seeing someone you like, hanging out with them, making out with them all the time, and bringing them places. It’s about being in the right place, both physically and emotionally, so that you can have fun and do the right thing. I’m aware that all of that sounds boring. But if you have a niggling feeling that maybe, just maybe, you aren’t ready to get into the dating world right now, then keep reading. Here are some signs you can’t have a boyfriend (or a girlfriend) right now:
You Love Male AttentionIt's natural to want attention from someone you're attracted to. But really think about it honestly: are you always looking for attention from dudes or wondering what guys think about everything you do? Again - pretty normal, but still not great. Whyyyy do we put such a premium on what dudes think about literally everything? I know girls who full on compete for male attention with other girls. Friendships have ended because someone hooked up with the guy they wanted approval from, for whatever reason. You're obsessed with getting attention from male identified people and will do dramatic, weird, or even mean things in order to get it in spite of anything else in your life you might burn in order to get what you want. That's not a healthy way to view literally half of the people in the world. Everybody has an opinion and gives their attention to what they want to give it to. It isn't suddenly worth more just because it's coming from a guy. Source: iStock
You're Talking To A Nice Guy You Don't Like THAT Much But It Feels Like The Next Logical StepOkay, picture this: you're talking to/hanging out with a nice guy who likes you. He's into you. He treats you right, he's made it clear that he wants a relationship, all of your friends say he's sweet, and it's pretty clear that he would probably make a great boyfriend. Except... you like him, but you just can't get yourself to like him THAT MUCH. Many of us have been there. We're hanging out with someone great - it's just that they're not great for us. If you have to convince yourself to hang out with this person, if you keep forcing yourself to give them a chance in the hopes that feelings will appear, and if you secretly like someone else more - don't date this person. Just becasue they like you, are nice, and would make a great bae doesn't mean you are obligated to date them. Sometimes our feelings are kind of irrational and point us away from the people who like us. That's okay! Wait for the person who makes you feel butterflies. Source: iStock
You Feel Like You're Doing Something Wrong Without A PartnThere are a lot of people out there who feel like they're doing something wrong if they're not in a relationship, and this can be especially true for females looking for male partners. It probably has something to do with internalized misogyny and the long-standing societal belief that a woman's only goal is to find the perfect male partner for her - the prince to her princess. Hey, it happens to everybody. We all get lonely and have these kinds of "what's wrong with me?" thoughts, but the real problem comes when you tie up your worthiness with someone else's relative approval of you. When you outsource your respectability and lovability to some random designated outside validation-giver (in this case, any guy who might want to bey our bf), you're setting yourself up to be in this trap that completely lacks the one thing you need to have a healthy relationship with someone else: a decent level of self love and/or knowing that you're worth loving the way you are right now. Source: iStock
All of Your Friends Have Boyfriends and You Feel Left OutI totally get how annoying it can be to always be the third, fifth, or seventh wheel. It can suck! But feeling left out because all of your friends are dating someone isn't a reason to throw yourself into a relationship. Everyone does things on their own time - maybe right now isn't your time. Don't focus on their relationships, and if it really bothers you, ask them for more one-on-one time - or find friends who are also single. Source: iStock
You HATE Being SingleJust like anything else, there are good and bad things about being single. There will be days where you ahte what you're doing, and there will be days where you're totally happy. Think about how you feel about the single life - if you absolutely can't stand it and just want a way out, you might be a little too desperate to find a boyfriend (see the point before this). It sounds corny AF, but it's really important to learn how to be happy on your own before you date someone. Source: iStock
You're Sad and Think Having A BF Will Fix Your LifeWhy do you want a boyfriend? Is it because you think it will make you happier? Does this line of thinking sound familiar? "Having a boyfriend will gain you a prom date, consistent sex on demand, unconditional love, and all the social media likes your heart can handle. You now have a bae you can rope into whatever shenanegans and photo opportunities you can think of. Finally, someone to give you #RelationshipGoals! Hate to break it to you, but having a boyfriend does not fix everything. For example, if you think having a boyfriend will magically give you positive outlook on your body image, you might find that once you're coupled up, you now have a brand new, very specific specific trigger for all of your self conscious thoughts. It used to be that you hated your belly, now someone wants to kiss and hold it?! Yikes! The opposite is true with this one: what you think having a boyfriend will fix within you might actually get magnified once you have one.Source: iStock
Dating Is A Game To YouGames are for flirting and for people who aren't serious about someone - they aren't for relationships. If you go into the dating world thinking how you can manipulate someone or how you can show how little you care, you're probably not ready to be totally vulnerable as a girlfriend. Playing games with your partner leads to lying and weirdness, and there's no place for that in a mature relationship. Source: iStock
You're Just Doing Your Own Thing Right NowHey, maybe you're living up your life as a single girl. That's great! If you're happy and having fun, then why change it? It sounds obvious to say that, but it's worth pointing out. Sometimes we start to think that we should be looking for a signiciant other even if we don't necessarily feel like we need or want to. And you don't need to! So really think about how you feel about this before jumping into anything. Source: iStock
Do you feel like you’re ready for a boyfriend? Do you feel differently about your male partners v. female identified ones? Does this actually sound like you or someone you know? Let us know in the comments!
You can follow the author, Aliee Chan, on Twitter.