8 Ways To Finally Stop Being The Flaky Friend

There are countless articles out there about flaky friends; GIF posts dedicated to how annoying they are, sincere advice columns about how to deal with them…I mean, fair enough. We’re all flaky from time to time, but it’s usually people who have a frequent flaker in their life that want to vent in meme form or gather some actual advice. But there seem to be far fewer articles directed to those flaky friends about how to stop being so damn flaky.

There’s this perception that flaky friends are clueless to their flakiness. That’s just not true. As somebody who has occupied the role of the flaky friend before, I absolutely knew that I was being flaky, and I felt bad about it…but often not enough to clean up my act. At least, not until I was on the opposite side of so much flaking by a few of my friends that I realized just how infuriating it can be. Flaking might seem like a pretty harmless act, but over time it just builds resentment from your friends and breaks trust. So, are you admittedly flaky AF? Are you interested in at least trying not to be such a massive flake? Then read up on these eight tips that will finally end your reputation as the flaky friend. You won’t change overnight, and you’ll slip every now and then, but every little bit helps. It’s time to be that friend that your crew can actually rely on again.


Make Plans To Go To Events With Other Friends So You Can Be Held Accountable

Yes, you can still manage to flake out of this scenario too, but it's a little trickier. It's one thing to just not show up to a friend's party, it's another if you planned to get ready or arrive with other friends. It's a lot easier to flake on one person than, say, five of them. Making these sorts of plans with friends will help pressure you to actually get your lazy butt up and go out. Better yet, you'll probably have a good time and won't regret it.

My So-Called Life

At Least Make An Appearance

It can be so hard to rally sometimes, especially if we've had a rough few days and want nothing more than to chill out. But if you're feeling a little guilty about flaking out on plans with your friend, at least consider making an appearance. This is especially helpful for parties or group hangouts. Throw on some clothes, make the effort to hang out for at least thirty minutes or an hour, then bounce. You'll be guilt-free and your friends won't consider you flaky (this time).

Fresh Meat

Set Rules For Yourself, Starting With Birthdays

Once you start quantifying how often your friends make the effort to hang out with you, realizing how many times you flaked out on them in return should instantly make you feel like garbage. So make some rules for yourself that you cannot break. Here's the easiest: Make sure that if a friend of yours took the time to go to your birthday party, then don't flake out when theirs rolls around. Make sure to expand that to other activities between you and your friends and everything will start feeling more fair.

Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone

Actually Take The Time To Jot Down Your Plans

I'm so unorganized, but doing this simple thing has helped me keep on top of my plans better so that I can't flake on something I agreed to go to but totally forgot about until the last minute. Whether you prefer traditional planners that require you to take notes by hand, using your phone, or both, just get it done. Two seconds worth of writing to help save friendships? Worth it.

Ban.do

Only Agree To Go To Things You KNOW You'll Go To

Let's be real: Most of the time, you know from the moment you make plans as to whether you're really invested in doing it or not. You just feel it in your heart. So for the events you know that you would absolutely clear your schedule for, feel free to let people know that you'll be there. For everything else, keep it loose so nobody will get their expectations up, only to have you, uh, not show up. I know you think that agreeing to plans makes people happy, and that's true. But all that joy disappears when you don't even bother showing up after saying you would. Your friends will be happier to see you show up to something you didn't commit to than you being MIA (as usual) to something you did commit to. Get me?

YouTube/Vivan Girls

Never Flake On A Friend To Do Something Else With Other Friends

Not only is this slimy AF--you'd hate to find out that a friend did this to you--but it's so easy to get caught! All it takes is a Snapchat or a thoughtless Instagram post before the friend you ditched realizes that you flaked on them but seem to have plenty of time and energy to hang with somebody else.

Mean Girls

Remember: You're Probably On Thin Ice With Your Friends

It might not feel like it, but if you're a frequent flaker, chances are your friends are really fed up with you. I don't mean to make this seem as if you should scare yourself into going out to placate your friends, but the truth is that you might be at serious risk of ruining a friendship that means a lot to you if you don't start showing that this friendship actually means a lot to you. You might not mean it personally when you flake out on someone, but it will be taken personally regardless. A bit of paranoia about the health of your relationship is okay in this instance, and if it's enough of a motivation to get you out of the house and hang out with your friends, then so be it.

My Mad Fat Diary

Let Your Friends Know Ahead Of Time If You Don't Think You'll Make It

I've been dealing with some serious flakiness lately and it's been driving me crazy. It most recently came to head a couple of weeks ago when two close friends flaked out on me for a night that was really important to me. Worst of all, they didn't tell me that they wouldn't show up until the last minute. Yes, some things are just out of our control--you feel sick, the car isn't available for the evening, whatever--but if you anticipate the slightest possibility that you might not be able to go somewhere, please let your friend know hours in advance. It'll lessen the blow.

Ferris Buellers Day Off

Which of these tips do you actually see yourself sticking to? Tell us in the comments!

You can follow the author, Ashley Reese, on Twitter or Instagram. Don’t worry, she doesn’t bite!

 

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