If we can learn one thing from the 2016 presidential election, it’s that a lot of men don’t respect women – so, in other words, there are men who don’t respect you, just for being a female. Of course, I feel it necessary to point out that #NotAllMen are disrespectful towards women, and that, obviously, there are also women out there who don’t respect other women. But for today, let’s focus on the men who don’t respect women just because of their gender, because they exist, and they are around you, even if you don’t realize it. Yes, it could be someone close to you, like your dad, brother, boyfriend, guy best friend, etc. Even if they clam they aren’t sexist, you should look out for these signs that they don’t respect you.
So no, you aren’t crazy – if you feel like you’re being disrespected, you probably are. Calling someone out on being disrespectful is a whole other can of worms to get into. You can start asserting yourself by noting where and how you feel disrespected. Sometimes it’s hard to tell, because it’s such a big, every day part of our socialization and culture. Chances are these men in your life are important enough to be in it, so it’s fair to assume that they don’t want to consciously disrespect you. If you truly believe that this person means you no harm, be gentle about alerting them that they’re actually being rude. If you think this person just straight up means to outright disrespect you, then tell them off! These are 25 signs that the men in your life actually don’t respect you.
1) They belittle your opinion by acting like you’re “cute when your mad” or asking if you have your period when you’re angry/hurt.
You know what I mean: the guy who smiles in a condescending way when you get angry, and tells you how adorable it is. Or the guy who dismisses your opinion on sports or video games because you couldn’t possibly understand as a female fan. Or the dude who assumes you can only have an emotion if you’re PMSing. None of that is cute, and none of it is okay.
2) They talk over you.
They interrupt you, they straight up make their voice louder to talk over you, or they roll your eyes whenever you bring up anything about sexism or feminism. Cool!
3) They explain things to you like you’re of a lesser intelligence than you actually are.
Formally, it’s called mansplaining, but in general, it’s called being a condescending jerk. People who talk down to or patronize you do not respect you.
4) They make you prove your love for something “masculine.”
Guys have a habit of doing this horrible thing where they assume girls can’t REALLY be interested in things like cars, tools, video games, sports, or anything traditionally masculine. They think girls only pretend to like those things to impress them. LOL BYE. In this case, they’ll say things like, “If you’re really a fan, then what is XXX” which is the WORST THING IN THE WORLD.
5) They tell you not to worry about things instead of explaining what’s happening.
Don’t you worry your pretty little head, lady, let the Men handle this. They try to play it off as chivalrous, but really it’s just douchey.
6) They automatically assume you need help with the heavy lifting.
They assume you can’t do hard labor, or that you can’t lift something or that you need help killing a bug or fixing an appliance, because you’re a girl, and how could you POSSIBLY know how to do that stuff?
7) They give you less consideration than your male peers.
When you guys are alone, they seem to like to listen to you. But when you’re with other dudes, they ignore you, act like everything you say is silly, and do the whole mansplaining thing. Cool.
8) They blow off your “female” interests like they mean nothing.
They make fun of you if you like shopping, makeup, celebrity stuff, bright colors… anything traditionally feminine. They act like it’s all silly and dumb because it’s *feminine.* Gross!
9) They make decisions on your behalf without asking you first.
Everything from ordering for you at a restaurant without asking you what you’d like to eat to making big plans and scheduling things without consulting, even if they have good intentions, don’t give you the respect you deserve as an autonomous human with your own opinions. Smh.
10) They get furious when you want to pay.
It’s 2016, but there are still guys who can’t handle it when their lady friend offers to pay for something. They get embarrassed and mad, even if they don’t have the money. That is called disrespect, make no mistake. It means they think since you’re the girl, you shouldn’t be paying because it makes them look weak.
11) They call you crazy whenever you display any sign of emotion.
If you cry over something small, they laugh and talk about how you’re such a girl. If you get mad about something, they wonder if you’re on your period. If you act hurt/angry/anything, they mutter something about how all girls are crazy. This is not okay. It sucks!
12) They can’t handle your success if it’s more than theirs.
They feel embarrassed by and angry about your success if it’s bigger than their success because they can’t handle you having something good. Their masculinity is caught up in having a higher status than the people around them even if it means underplaying your successes, even if it hurts you.
13) They tell you to cover up if you’re wearing something revealing.
A guy should never tell you how to dress (your dad is sometimes an exception). If he makes you change because he thinks your outfit is too revealing, or says things about how clothes can make men act certain ways, that’s gross, and shows disrespect.
14) They try to control the important relationships you have in your life.
They try to control who you hang out with, when you hang out with them, who you’re close to, and everything else about who you interact with. Controlling behavior is a sign that this person does not respect you.
15) They flirt with other people in front of you.
Let’s just outright disrespect the person we’re dating, shall we? They act like they can flirt and look at other people because they’re dudes, and that’s how it goes.
16) He doesn’t return the favor, whatever the favor.
You’re always there for him, but he’s never there for you. Oral sex, emotional support, things you own, your time and energy, you’re always giving and hardly ever receiving. Why? He doesn’t respect you enough to assume that you deserve reciprocal anything in terms of favors.
17) He tries to diagnose what’s wrong with you instead of listening.
Dudes usually mean well when this happens. However, when this comes up it puts the focus on him, the problem solver not you, the person with feelings. He isn’t truly listening, he’s looking for an opportunity to step in and be the hero.
18) They judge your looks without being asked.
If you want an honest opinion on how your outfit looks, that’s one thing. But, judging your relative beauty, objectifying you, or putting you down based on how you look (or any other reason tbh) is not okay.
19) They compare you to other women.
Why does this somehow hurt more than if they were just to say something hurtful? I have no idea why I can’t be more like HER, random dude, I’m not her.
20) Telling you to “just get over it” instead of actually apologizing.
HOW ABOUT YOU APOLOGIZE. Just swallow your pride, own up to your mistakes, and apologize even if it was a mistake because you respect the people in your life enough to make amends. No? Okay, good talk.
21) Never apologizing in any meaningful way.
The lack of sincerity is astounding. When they do apologize, if they apologize, they gloss over actually making anything better say a half-meant “sorry” and assume you’re all going to move on like nothing ever happened. Um, no.
22) Claiming to forget important discussions or agreements you’ve had.
What’s the use of talking though anything or making any progress if you’re just going to forget any of it ever happened?
23) He doesn’t care that he hurts your feelings.
And that might hurt more than actually getting your feelings hurt to begin with. When someone disrespects you when you thought they actually valued you, it sucks.
24) He needs to have everything his way or it’s not worth doing.
There’s no room for compromise, this person needs to get their way ahead of yours, no matter what the cost. Forget respecting what you want or need, it’s all about them and what serves them the most.
25) He doesn’t listen when you say “no.”
RUN IN THE EXACT OPPOSITE DIRECTION IF THIS IS THE CASE. I’m not even talking about saying no in terms of sex, but when they don’t respect any time you say no and go ahead and do that thing anyway, get away now.
Do the guys in your life do things that bother you? What bothers you the most? How do you get them to stop? Let us know in the comments!
You can follow the author, Aliee Chan, on Twitter.