On a purely surface-based level, the phrase (idiom? Aphorism? Colloquialism?) “wyd” is inoffensive enough. This, if you are somehow unfamiliar, is an acronym that is used to represent the longer, considerably more obtrusive string of words, “what are you doing?” (or, for the sake of exactness, “what you doing?) that, when texting, is objectively more taxing on the thumbs.
But, as I am sure you are already aware, “wyd” is a symbol more than a mere abbreviation now. It’s fine when it comes from a friend or lover when the intent actually is to find out what you are doing in this exact moment. But more often than not, it’s sent by someone who is neither here nor there on the friendship-relationship spectrum, and, more importantly, doesn’t actually care what you’re doing in that moment. They are just texting you so that, at some point, you will get with them.
Now, I don’t know if you happen to be in the habit of texting “wyd” to your crushes. If you are, that’s fine. I’m not judging you, even–I just want to talk. So, whether these “wyd” alternatives are for you, a bae, a potential bae, or a close, personal friend who you’d like to work on their communication skills, check out these foolproof alternatives to the scourge of “wyd:”
1. “I wish they’d teach us more about Vikings.”
Thanks, AmericanGirl. pic.twitter.com/Iy61SQfmDp
— Caitlin (@cait_lock) March 22, 2016
A classic! It’s foolproof, as you can see.
2. “Hows life baby gorilla?”
3. “Do you like candy corn?”
This is more seasonally-appropriate litmus test, if you are the type who enjoys weather and/or holiday-specific texting games. I have a theory that candy corn is the Minions franchise of the candy game, which is to say that people are either all about it or highly opposed to it, and also that anyone who genuinely enjoys candy corn is most likely a lunatic. (For what it’s worth, I happen to quite like candy corn and am very open about it, so.)
4. “Let’s explore diabetes with owls.”
This is the title of a book of comedic narrative essays by David Sedaris, but it also works well to open up the metaphorical floodgates of conversation. If they are a DAvid Sedaris fan, you can discuss his oeuvre, if not, you can talk about how blood sugar-related issues are becoming a real problem in the bird community, I guess.
5. A hilarious autocorrect “fail:”
Haha! Who wouldn’t respond to this?
6. “Just fell off my roof, but it’s all good.”
This is actually a response for when someone texts you “WYD” and you don’t know what to say. It’s what Urban Dictionary says you should do, anyway.
7. WYD (World Youth Day)?
This looks like you are texting “what you doing?” in the vernacular, but really, it is an invite to a Catholic charity event for pious youths. The next one is being held in Panama in 2019, so you’ve got time to plan.
8. Send pics (of your dog).
9. Send pics (of your cat):
Still cute! Still flirty!
10. Just the moon emoji.
The best emoji, objectively. Also, the new iPhone update makes it look big if you send just one.
11. Don’t text them at all. Just tag them in this picture of Britney Spears’ son:
sorry i have to go sit by myself for a little bit and tag every boy i know in this picture pic.twitter.com/JnOQrwOFp5
— Sara Hendricks (@shendrickslamar) October 12, 2016
It’s what I do, anyway.
12. Anything. Literally any text that is relevant to you in this moment will be better than “WYD.”
What do you think of these WYD alternatives? Are there any good ones that I missed? Let us know in the comments!