In many ways, there is an argument to be made that we are the peak era of jewelry. The increase of markets for independent artists and vendors has ensured that there is a boon of creativity in all things jewelry-realted. You can wear hi-tech bracelets. Earrings with Drake’s li’l face superimposed on them. A variety of breast, vagina, and penis-adjacent jewelry pieces which means that, should you so desire, you may wear an entire anatomically correct body on your own body. But, with all peaks also come some definite lows, and some jewelry that’s available now? It is, objectively, very bad.
As with all things, you are the master of your fate and the captain of your soul, and, as such, it is your ultimate duty to Just Do You. I am not here to police anyone’s outfit choices or personal style preferences. It’s just that, in doing “you” by wearing these specific pieces of jewelry, you might not communicate quite the right “you” that you’d like people to see. (Or, at the very least, the kind of “you” that would totally get you grounded if your mom knew that you’re wearing it on your secret Instagram account.) Anyway, check out these trendy pieces of jewelry that, in most cases, I really would not advise that you ever wear:
1. This, supposedly, is a “blood choker.” Um. Not to be indelicate here, but, uh, is blood…white?
2. Please do not buy these Dolls Kill grills.
3. Trying to look well-read? Don’t wear this choker. The only message it sends is “I have never read Lolita” because literally nobody who has ever read Lolita (a book about a teenage girl being abused by a pedophile, FYI) would wear this choker.
4. This is…a bow. It is $58.
5. No. (If you must, you can make this yourself.
6. Not to be a truther here but this is…literally just a long strand of velvet:
7. THIS IS A SHOESTRING. (Really.)
8. These are cool, if you like it when everyone you talk to in a day feels like it’s their duty to point out that you “might have put on two different pairs of earrings by accident today.”
9. Ah, yes. Practical, wearable.
10. Nothing wrong with enjoying sex! Nothing wrong with reclaiming the word “slut!” Maybe don’t wear this to school, though?
11. Ah, yes–straining your earlobes, summoning the occult. What’s not to love?
12. When you break out of prison but want to remember your roots:
13. You smoke weed. WE GET IT.
What do you think about these jewelry items? Are there any that you would actually wear? Let us know in the comments!