Ask A Guy: What To Do If Your Ex Contacts You Out Of The Blue

Hey Joel,

Recently, my ex-boyfriend texted me even though I already have a boyfriend. He says he’s doing it to help him with this girl he’s into, but why would he need my help instead of just asking a favor from his best friends? I’m starting to think that this girl doesn’t even exist, because in one text, he mentioned the girl’s backpack and said, “It’s a bright color.” Then the next day, he said, “It’s dark color.” I don’t know, sometimes the way he texts seems like it’s just to make me fall for him again, just to make me jealous and makes me forgot that I already have a boyfriend. Please help me.


Your first question is spot-on, and really the beginning and end of any thoughts you might have about how to handle this situation. There is no legit reason he should be reaching out to you for advice on dating this possible new girl, and it’s almost a 100% for sure thing that he’s just trying to manipulate his way back into your life.

Yes, he has plenty of guy-friends he could and should be talking to about how to succeed with this theoretical new girl, and if he’s not asking you to manipulate you, he’s definitely trying to make you jealous. In his mind, if you hear he’s got some new girl, it will make you want to get back together with him…or possibly something more sinister.

There is a chance that he’s trying to weasel his way into your life with the sole purpose of running things with your current boyfriend. Most guys would be a bit uneasy to find out their girlfriend is chatting with an ex, so if I were you, I’d be open and honest with your current guy as soon as you’re able. If he finds out on his own, it could be the end of your relationship.

The fact that he is admittedly making you waver a bit and thinking about getting back together with him is a bad sign on many levels. Even if you’re not totally over him, if he’s able to make you forget your current guy, that doesn’t speak well of your boyfriend.

Whether or not this other girl exists doesn’t really matter in the bigger picture. It’s obvious that he knows you still have at least minimal feelings for him, and everything you’ve said tells me that he’s trying to manipulate you. The smartest thing you can do is just cut him off completely.

You don’t have to be mean about it, but let him know that you’re not comfortable texting or talking with him right now. If he wants more of a reason, that’s his problem as you owe him nothing.

Best wishes,


Joel Freimark has done a lot in life and seen even more. From last minute international travel to bizarre places to writing award winning books, he’s here to bring his wisdom to all your problems. He hosts a weekly advice series on Youtube and a music series also on YouTube. No question is too outrageous or personal, so go ahead and fire away! Follow him on Twitter.

Are you confused about a guy? Do you find yourself wondering, “What is he thinking?” Tell us everything in the comments! And if you have a question for Joel, email him at!

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