Ask A Guy: How To Tell If Your Older Brother Is Too Possessive

Hey Joel,

So, I’ve been texting my brother’s good friend. It’s been kind of flirty and I didn’t tell my brother because I knew he wouldn’t approve right away. His friend and I were planning to ease my brother into the idea of us dating so when we asked him if it’s okay he would be more on board. But today he stole my phone and saw that we’ve been texting is super mad, which is understandable. I feel so awful and like I’m just an awful human being and sister. Do you have any idea on how I can fix this?

oh-brother

Let’s start with one very simple fact: You are NOT an awful human being or a terrible sister. He can be pissed and call you all the names you want, but there is nothing wrong with what you did. In fact, if you really were planning on easing him into the idea before this happened, you can consider yourself a very thoughtful person and great sister.

That being said, you obviously have a very difficult and sensitive situation on your hands, and it’s going to be very tough to navigate the next few weeks. Your brother has a right to be upset and feel betrayed, and even though the two of you had the best intentions, it’s somewhat irrelevant right now. The more you try to tell him not to be mad, the worse it will get. Allow him to have his anger for a bit, and let it cool on its own.

The key to everything moving forward is complete honesty and transparency with your brother. I’m not saying he has a right to read your flirty texts or know how your dates end, but insofar as you and his friend talking or actually going out, don’t hide things.

But to be totally honest, his friend is in a far worse situation that you are, as this guy violated a number of “Guy Code” rules. Going after your friend’s sister is never cool, and to do it behind his back isn’t going to help his case. Even if you two were going to come clean on it eventually, the current situation is going to make things very tricky and awkward for some time.

The only thing you can really do is apologize to him and be open and up front about things from this point on. Chances are, it’s going to take a VERY long time for your brother to warm up to things even a bit, but the more honest you are about what’s happening, the better.

Best wishes,

Joel

Joel Freimark has done a lot in life and seen even more. From last minute international travel to bizarre places to writing award winning books, he’s here to bring his wisdom to all your problems. He hosts a weekly advice series on Youtube and a music series also on YouTube. No question is too outrageous or personal, so go ahead and fire away! Follow him on Twitter.

Are you confused about a guy? Do you find yourself wondering, “What is he thinking?” Tell us everything in the comments! And if you have a question for Joel, email him at askaguy@gurl.com!

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