What To Do If Your Boyfriend Checks Out Other Girls In Front Of You

Hi Heather,

My boyfriend is always checking out other girls in front of me and it really bothers me and makes me upset. Even worse, he catcalls women while I’m out with him and he’s always commenting on their ass and boobs. Is that just him being a guy or is it disrespectful? Is it lame for me to say something?

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Okay, no offense to you or your boyfriend, but his behavior is just straight up gross. He shouldn’t be catcalling women in general, but doing it in front of his girlfriend? That’s crossing a big line. And while some jerks out there will justify this behavior as “boys being boys” because guys just “can’t help themselves” when it comes to female body parts, it’s not something you should pay attention to. Mature, respectful guys can help themselves, which means what your boyfriend is doing is definitely disrespectful.

You have every right to speak up and say something to your BF about this. I know that, sometimes, girls worry about bringing up these kind of issues because they don’t want to seem like they’re jealous, “crazy,” or too controlling. In some cases, that worry is justified, but it definitely isn’t in this one. While it’s totally normal for humans to be attracted to other humans when they’re in a relationship, there’s still some “rules” to follow. Your boyfriend is allowed to find other girls attractive – but he doesn’t need to comment about it to you or in front of you, and he also shouldn’t be catcalling. Even if he didn’t have a girlfriend, catcalling is still gross!

Talk to your boyfriend, and you don’t need to wait until the next time this happens. Say something along these lines: “When you catcall other girls in front of me or talk to me about how attractive other girls are, it really hurts my feelings. I get that you look at other people, but you don’t need to tell me about it. It’s really disrespectful for you to catcall in front of me, too. Don’t do that to me again, because I’m not putting up with it.” You want to be firm, strong, and calm. Crying or yelling is only going to give him the opportunity to tell you you’re acting dramatic and too emotional, but being confident and firm in what you’re saying makes you seem more serious and it demands respect.

If he refuses to listen to you, argues with you, or just won’t change, then you need to really think about this relationship. You deserve a guy who is going to respect you enough to stop acting that way. This guy is not only disrespecting you, he’s also disrespecting other women by catcalling them. He needs to grow up, a lot, and you don’t need to hold his hand while he does that. You don’t need to put up with this behavior, so remember that the next time he does this. Hopefully he listens to what you have to say, and he makes an effort to change. But if not? Maybe you’re better off on your own.

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Posted in: Help Me Heather, Love Advice
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