As a person who happens to have boobs, I can tell you at least one thing about what it is like having boobs–stressful. Mostly.
If you, too, happen to have boobs, I am sure you can relate. This stress is rooted not so much in the mere fact of owning a pair of breasts themselves, per se, but rather the constant and mounting pressure of having to maintain them. There are bras. Taking care of bras. Replacing bras with other things. Then, there’s the idea that you always have to be doing something to make your own boobs look better with, like, vitamins, supplements, and exercises that are supposed to make them look (conventionally) better.
The latest boob beauty-enhancing product? Sheet masks, apparently. Over the past few days, a bunch of outlets have been doing the heavy-duty reporting work in writing about the multiple (yes, multiple) skincare companies that have noticed the rising popularity in sheet masks (for your face) and have decided to make a new kind for your boobs. It’s a lot! Check out some more about boob sheet masks, as well as some other totally ridiculous products for boobs here:
Breast Sheet MaskOf course, there's nothing inherently wrong with a boob-specific sheet mask if you want to use one--in principle, it's much like like a sheet mask for your face, just, uh, for your boobs. You can totally use one if you want, or have independently felt that your breast area needs some extra moisture or TLC. Image source:Instagram
Breast-Enhancing Sheet MaskBut the ones that promise to make you "busty," as the one you see here does, might not have your best interests at heart. Image source:Instagram
Titty BearI will be using mostly quotes to describe this product. It is a "Titty Bear", which is a "cute and discrete [sic]" pillow that "prevents unsightly morning chest wrinkles," if you are looking to fix a problem that you didn't know you had. Image source:Amazon
'Kush' Breast SupporterI don't know. I just don't. Image source:Amazon
F Cup CookieNot FDA-approved. Though I am sure you have been able to gather that. Image source:F Cup Cookie
Boob GlueThis is a self-proclaimed "boob job in a bottle" that you stick between your breast and bra to keep your cleavage in place. Which, sure? I did not know that cleavage-slipping was an issue until this very moment, but if you feel like you have been unfairly struck by it, by all means, get you some boob glue. Image source:Boob Glue
Breast AntiperspirantFor your vulgar, sweaty boobs. (Real talk--this supposedly prevents chafing, which is a real problem for some people, which means that this product could be very useful? You probably don't *need* to buy a whole separate deodorant, but if you're into it, go for it.) Image source:Fresh Balls
Fake NipplesBecause female nipples are not acceptable unless they are plastic, hidden under clothes, and a "traffic stopper designed for maximum fun and attention." Life is confusing! Image source:The Breast Form Store
Nipple DyeI mean, you do you. If you want your nipples to be a different color than what they are, go for it. But maybe don't go for the "pinknipple" cream that promises to "make nipples color soft?" It is almost certainly bleach, first of all, and if they can't get their grammar right, it's not really something you want to be smearing on your boobs. Image source:Bruce McTague
What do you think of these boob products? Would you buy any of them? Let us know in the comments!