Unfortunately, everything is embarrassing.
This is a little mantra that I like to repeat to myself in times of stress because, if you think about it, if everything is embarrassing, then nothing is really truly embarrassing, which is more of a “fortunate” than an “unfortunate.” (Just a tiny taste of the thousands of “misunderstood supervillain from The Incredibles logic”-based pieces of advice I have stowed away for you there!) But, even if everything is technically embarrassing, there must still be some moments that are more embarrassing than others.
I’m sure you know what I’m talking about. These are experiences that, in the moment that they are occurring, seem as though they are solely unique to your own life–like getting called out by a teacher when you zoned out in class or getting your period in gym class–but pretty much everyone has gone through them. Therefore, they need words. And, while one might argue that it is better not to have any etymology at all to describe such hyper-mortifying moments, but I disagree. It would be much more convenient, actually, if one could choose to neatly sum up a very specific event by using just one word,instead of having to string together a whole bunch of words, which takes a lot of time and requires the speaker to relive what may very well seem like the worst moment of their life. So, check out these embarrassing things that should have names for them, but don’t:
1. When you ask for a bathroom pass during class and your teacher has the VERY NERVE to ask “why:”
2. When you’re, like, five minutes late to a yoga class and everyone there is friends and they all turn and stare at you when you walk in:
IT’S FINE. I CAN LEAVE.
3. When you take a risk and send someone a vulnerable text and get…no response:
Ah, yes. Nothing like it.
4. When you eat something and realize HOURS later that there’s food between your teeth:
And none of your “friends” thought to let you know.
5. Or on your face:
ALWAYS TELL YOUR FRIENDS WHEN THEY HAVE THINGS ON THEIR FACE.
6. When you put something on Instagram that you assume is going to do well, engagement-wise, but it doesn’t even break eleven likes:
7. When you accidentally call your teacher “mom:”
Or “daddy” SORRY I’M SORRY I’M TRYING TO REMOVE IT.
8. When you try to tell a hilarious story about something that happened to you recently, only to realize, at the end of the story, that it doesn’t really work when you verbalize it and nobody is laughing:
“Haha. You had to be there. I guess.”
9. When you have to do an oral presentation in class and start blushing for LITERALLY NO REASON which makes you actually embarrassed and blush even more, and it’s just…a mess:
10. When you walk in on someone in the bathroom:
Always so much worse than when someone walks in on you, somehow.
11. When you walk in on people hooking up:
12. When you get your period in public and you have to ask your mom for a tampon and she’s all, “WHAT? YOU NEED A TAMPON?”
Periods aren’t embarrassing! You just don’t want everyone knowing that you’re on it.
13. When you stop paying attention in class for, like, a second and your teacher calls you out and you want to cry:
Teachers always take zoning out as a personal offense!! Why?
14. When your crush catches you staring at them:
15. When your teacher calls on you in class and you don’t know the answer to the question and even though you know other people don’t know the answer to the question you feel like the dumbest person in the world:
16. Accidentally spitting on someone when you’re having a conversation with them:
Remember–everything is embarrassing! It’s cool. You’ll live.
Have you ever experienced any of these things? Which ones do you wish you had words for? Let us know in the comments!