We’ve all heard of vanilla sex positions like missionary and doggy style, but that’s certainly not the extent of your sexy times options. There are plenty of weird sex positions that no one ever talks about. These poses are not for the faint of heart (or the inflexible). Unless you’re an acrobat, most of them will probably cause more pain than pleasure – and not in the fun Fifty Shades Of Grey way. Still, it’s fun to learn new things and keep your sex life fresh and unpredictable. Who knows – maybe you’ll find you new favorite thing to do in bed, all thanks to this list!
If you’re going to try a crazy sex position, I’d recommend taking it slow and staying in tune with your partner. If one or both of you starts to feel uncomfortable or isn’t enjoying the position, you can easily communicate that with someone you trust. Otherwise, you’ll be stuck giving an upside-down blowjob and wishing you were anywhere else! (Upside-down blowjobs are not for everyone.) While trying out these new poses, it can be easy to accidentally kick or knee some pretty vulnerable spots, so moving slowly and deliberately is a must.
The Bad Girl’s Bible has taken the time to name and illustrate 119 different sex positions. Here are some of the craziest:
Bumper CarsTo be honest, I'm not even sure how this pose is logistically possible. If you find a man with a very flexible and long penis, then go for it! You'll both need to lie down facing opposite ends of the room and back into each other until your butts touch. He then will penetrate and slowly thrust into you (as long as he doesn't strain his penis. Ouch.) Source: BadGirlsBible.com
Exposed EagleThis is another position that will only work if you're extremely flexible. Maybe even stretch beforehand if you want to avoid pulling something! You can start off in the classic cowgirl position then lean back until your basically flat on your back. If you can accomplish this without feeling completely uncomfortable, you're a rockstar! Source: BadGirlsBible.com
Face offYour butt is going to be all up in your partner's face in this position. Here's hoping you're nice and clean! To accomplish this version of the 69, you're definitely going to have to at least be able to touch your toes. If you thought giving a regular blow job was hard, in this position you do it upside down! This is a precarious position where you could lose your balance at any time, so be careful. Source: BadGirlsBible.com
Frog LeapTo do this pose, pretend you're a frog! Ribbet! Just make sure your partner doesn't thrust too hard and send you face first into the bed. I'd also be a little worried about accidentally farting while sitting in that squat position too long (but maybe that's just me). If you're tired of regular doggy style and have a lot of flexibility and stamina, you should give it a try! Source: BadGirlsBible.com
Golden GateI hope you went to yoga today because this sex pose takes some serious flexibility. You may have thought that "69ing" was scandalous enough, but this pose flips it on its head (literally). The Golden Gate involves both partners performing oral sex simultaneously. Keep your knees on the bed and arch your back until you get your head in the crotch area of your partner. If you can physically accomplish this pose and enjoy it, you should win some sort of sex medal. Source: BadGirlsBible.com
Irish GardenThis pose will be difficult to get into with accidentally kneeing your partner in the balls. He will sit on the bed with his chest up and legs straight. You have to get onto all fours and then slowly reverse into him (beep! beep! beep!). If you don't know your partner very well, this pose will allow for lots of awkward moments. Source: BadGirlsBible.com
LotusIf you're a big yoga person, you've probably tried the lotus pose at some point and know that it takes a lot of hip flexibility to accomplish. There's not a lot of movement you can do once you get into this sex position (if you can do it at all), and often the guy will have tighter hips. But, hey, if you pull it off, it's an intimate experience. Source: BadGirlsBible.com
Mongolian SmurfWhile the name of this position isn't the sexist, this is still an enjoyable pose. You lay on your side and bring one knee into your chest while the person thrusting straddles your straight leg. Because you won't really be able to move in this position, you can just relax. Now, you may be asking yourself, "But why is it called the Mongolian Smurf?" I HAVE NO IDEA. Source: BadGirlsBible.com
Which sex position is the most absurd? Let me know in the comments below!