11 Penis-Themed Halloween Costumes You Can Actually Buy

I am constantly impressed by all of the unique Halloween costumes I see each year. As someone who dresses up as a witch pretty much every other year, I am always interested in seeing what imaginative things people come up with. I mean, who would have thought that there were so many different types of Barbie costumes, or that there were countless options when it comes to dressing up like YA book characters? Then there all of the unique “adult” costumes, including ones that are slightly sexual in nature, and those that are very obviously sexual and should come with an R-rating. Like, you know, penis costumes, for example, or maybe vagina costumes.

You know those “mature” ones I’m talking about. The ones where “adult” roughly translates to “not for the eyes of anyone under 14 years old?” While I may not be as impressed with them as I am with a group band costume, I still have to admit that they are definitely up there in terms of uniqueness.

Penis-themed adult costumes are a particular, erm, unique category. You might think that they are the stuff of teenage boys’ DIYs only, but you can actually get some peen-themed costumes in stores. For real. And if you think that there is only one type of costume, you’re in for an R-rated surprise. Take a look at the penis-themed Halloween costumes you can buy.


Inflatable Willy Costume

This costume is the definition of subtle... lol, JK. It apparently inflates in seconds. You can write your own pun off that description.

Inflatable Willy Costume, $27.17, Amazon

Snake Charmer Costume

There are two types of penis Halloween costumes: One - Those that go for exposed peens. Two - Those that take regular objects and create a penis theme with them. This snake charmer costume falls into the second category.

Snake Charmer Costume, $49.99, HalloweenCostumes.com

Frank The Flasher Costume

This is... gross. I mean, I guess it's preferable to some dude actually showing his junk to the entire party, but it still sucks. Flashing isn't funny, and this costume makes it seem okay, which just isn't cool.

Frank The Flasher Costume, $44.99, Spirit Halloween

Hot Dog Vendor Costume With Foot-Long

You can already hear the dude at the party forcing everyone to ask him where his hot dog is with this costume. Ugh. Because the foot-long under the apron isn't enough, the hot dog vendor is called Delicious Dick's Footlongs. Of course.

Hot Dog Vendor Costume With Foot-Long, $26.95, Amazon

Big Penis Bodysuit Costume

I'm not too sure what you're supposed to say you are when you wear this costume. The X-rated baby of Kermit the Frog and a human? I have no clue. All I know is that it comes in a whopping 41 different colors. How's that for a ~*big*~ group costume? Sorry.

Big Penis Bodysuit Costume, $44.99, Amazon

The Fire Extinguisher Costume

Not many can resist a firefighter, but this costume might make you have second thoughts. Can we also take a moment to question why he is holding that axe like that while he has that um...erect hose?

The Fire Extinguisher Costume, $54.99, HalloweenCostumes.com

Rasta Imposta Genie Lamp Costume

This genie costume is a bit more on the subtle side. Although it's not exactly being coy with that placement of that genie lamp or the massive ~Rub Me~ writing on it.

Rasta Imposta Genie Lamp Costume, $29.63, Amazon

Longuini And Meatballs Costume

Forget an eggplant costume, here were have a longuni and meatballs one. Get it? Of course you do. FYI: The apron says, ~Nobody Beats Our Sausage.~

Longuini And Meatballs Costume, $34.99, HalloweenCostumes.com

Keep Up The Faith Priest Costume

FYI: There is nothing that is considered too holy to stop it from being turned perverted for Halloween. Case in point: This priest costume. There's no need for Viagra with this costume. It's all thanks to an inflatable peen.

Keep Up The Faith Priest Costume, $24.99, HaloweenCostumes.com

It's Bigger In Texas Costume

How much bigger is it in Texas, you ask? Big. Just take a look at the size of that hat...and that inflatable peen. Like the coat is ever going to cover that thing up.

It's Bigger In Texas Costume, $32.29, Amazon

A Knight To Remember Costume

People will definitely remember this costume. However, it may not be for the reasons that the dude wants them to be. And the real-life version doesn't have that censored black bar, obvs.

A Knight To Remember Costume, $49.99, HalloweenCostumes.com

Have you ever seen anyone wear a penis-themed Halloween costume? Let us know in the comments!

You can follow the author, Heather Cichowski, on Twitter.

 

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