Sex is widely considered one of the best things in the world. Read any women’s magazine, watch any PG-13 movie or TV show, listen to basically anyone speak, and you’ll hear something along the lines of, “What’s better than sex? Nothing!” or advice that leads to the ultimate end goal: being naked in bed together. It is such a popular activity that it can start to seem like having a low sex drive is impossible – or, if it’s happening, there’s something seriously wrong with you. The world makes it seem like every single person out there is running around wanting to have sex 24 hours a day. In reality, this isn’t true. There are plenty of people out there who have low sex drives, and it’s easy to feel shamed for that.
As I said, the world at large makes it seem like sex should be the ultimate motivation for everything. But what if you don’t want to have sex all the time? What if you like it fine, you just don’t need to do it as often as other people need to? And how do you know if your sex drive is so low that there’s a problem, or if it’s just… not as high as you think it should be? If you don’t want to have sex at all, ever, and nothing about it excites you, that could be asexuality, which is different than just a lower sex drive.
A healthy sex drive looks different for everybody, but yous hould know where you fall there. Being sexually compatible is important in a relationship, and knowing what you want and don’t want out of your sex life is important for your personal well-being. If you’re wondering whether your sex drive is “normal” or a little below that, here are a few signs you have a low sex drive. This doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with you – it just means you’re not as into sex as other people are.
You Don't Have Sex DreamsA lot of people don't actually remember their dreams, but you usually remember the sexy ones that get your blood pumping. If you never have sexy dreams, or you have them only every once in a while, it could be a sign that you have a lower sex drive. Your subconscious can actually be a great indicator. These dreams don't even necessarily need to be about sex. For example, a friend of mine had a sex dream about cake (it was *that good*). See? The plot points of your dream don't necessarily matter, just how you felt afterwards when you woke up. Did it feel a little bit like sex? Are you weirdly turned on for no reason? Probably a sex dream.Source: iStock
You'd Rather Be Eating Or Sleeping Than Having SexUgh, I know this sounds like a Tumblr meme waiting to happen. Actually, I think I saw a Tumblr meme that was like "choose between sex or THIS MAC AND CHEESE." If you unironically would actually opt for mac and cheese more often than the sex, you probably have a lower sex drive. And hey, there's no reason why you can't have snacks AND sex, but more often than not... you're going for snacks. Or napping. The point is, there are other ways you'd like to spend your energy and free time that are not getting tangled in your sheets with someone else. You'd rather take care of yourself in other ways.Source: iStock
Sex Isn't A Deal Breaker For YouSex doesn't have to be mind blowingly awesome or even all that frequent in order for you to be satisfied with the bedroom stuff in your relationship. As long as you're intimate with your partner in other ways, you're fine coasting on infrequent hook ups. For some, sex is pretty high up there on the priorities list for things that are important in a relationship, and regardless of your sex drive, I tend to agree. Everybody deserves to be having good sex, regardless of how much you want to be having it. Having a partner that understands you is key.Source: iStock
You Move A Little Slower Than OthersThe third date is known as the "sex date" because it's assumed both parties want to do it and they're waiting for the third date to be polite even though they don't want to wait. It's just a formality. You, on the other hand? You can wait. It's no big deal if you don't hook up on the third date or even the fifth. It's not the end of the universe. It's okay to move a little slower than others. You'll get there eventually and it won't be any less spectacular when you do. It might not be at the same pace as your partner, if you have one, but that's something you two should probably talk about. Source: iStock
Sex Tenses You UpInstead of relaxing, enjoying yourself in the moment, and potentially having an orgasm (or several), sex makes you tense up. You're constantly worried about what you're doing wrong, you're in your head and not present, and you're certainly not coming. Even if you're having a ton of sex, if this sounds like the case for you, you probably have a lower sex drive. Your body doesn't want to be doing it. That's why you're checking out! That, or you probably jumped right into sex before you were ready or felt okay about it. Source: iStock
The Thought Of Putting In The Effort To Initiate Is ExhaustingThe prospect of finding someone to have sex with, flirting with them, seducing them, then actually getting the point where you're having sex sounds like too much time, effort, and energy. It's exhausting! Even the thought of finding the right porn is tiresome and boring. Feel a little bit not worth it to you? You probably have a lower sex drive. Initiating sex takes a lot of vulnerability (for some). Putting yourself out there can take some effort and courage... not something we all have in grand supply. Exerting that impulse to initiate can take a lot out of someone.Source: iStock
You Don't Feel The 'Impulse' That OftenBeing horny and turned on is different than actually following through on it. We all get turned on in our daily lives, regardless if you have a partner or not. So, if you don't get horny and follow through with masturbation all that frequently, chances are, this won't change once you have a partner. You can have a high sex drive and still a virgin (bless masturbation) as the presence or number of partners you've had is not indicative of your sex drive. You don't feel the need to have sex that often, whether the impulse is directed towards someone or just yourself. I know that's the definition of having a low sex drive, but really take stock of your turned on to sex act ratio.Source: iStock
Do you have a low sex drive? How does it effect your life? Let us know in the comments!
You can follow the author, Aliee Chan, on Twitter.