First relationships—real first relationships, the ones that actually last longer than a couple of weeks, go beyond an awkward sext session, and consist of more than just one boring movie date–are effing terrifying. I’m not saying this in some kind of navel gazing way, reminiscing on a time long ago when I had my first boyfriend. LOL, no. I landed in my first relationship just a couple years ago, so this all still feels a little new to me (not to mention a little stressful). Sure, I wasn’t a 15-year-old when I had my first BF, but going by my friends’ fears back when I was a teen compared to my fears when I started my first relationship as a 23-year-old…it’s all very similar, to be honest. Yes, believe it or not, despite the age difference, there are a lot of similar concerns that happen when you enter your first relationship.
Whether you’re 14, 17, 23, or older, if you’re embarking on your first relationship right now, or you just want to know what to expect, check out these 10 scary things about your first relationship. Fear isn’t always rational, but that doesn’t negate the fact that this is totally unknown territory on your first go around, and it’s normal to be freaked out accordingly. Good luck!
Seeming InexperiencedThis is the worst. I know because this encapsulates so much of my anxiety about my first relationship, especially since I was a late bloomer in the romance department while my BF had years and years of experience. Whatever you do, don't lead into everything with, "OMG I'M SORRY I DON'T REALLY KNOW WHAT I'M DOING LOL." I assure you that unless you're doing something greally out of pocket, your partner wouldn't be able to tell how experienced you are or not. The To-Do List
Feeling The Urge To Fill The Silence ConstantlyOMG this was a huge problem for me early on in my relationship, especially since I'm very chatty and my BF is more quiet. Over time, without even realizing it, you two will be able to enjoy each other's presence without feeling the need to fill the air with blabber. And remember that there's a difference between not having anything to say to each other and just, you know, being quiet around each other sometimes. My So-Called Life
Thinking Too Hard About KissingIf your first relationship is closely following your first flirtations with the world of making out, you're not alone. It is terrifying when your kisses suddenly have more value and purpose and meaning, right? This nervousness can lead to a lot of overthinking when it comes to your makeout sessions. This sounds so cliche, but it's the truth: You're making this a lot more complicated than it needs to be. Don't let your teeth get in the way, remember to breathe, and don't assume that you always need to use tongue. You're probably a way better kisser than you think. My Mad Fat Diary
Overthinking EverythingYou know how you kept overthinking when you were texting your now BF/GF and constantly got freaked out that you said or did the wrong thing? Well, it seemed to work out alright, since you two are an item now. So try not to fall back into old habits. Not everything has the meaning you think it is. Him looking at you this kind of way doesn't necessarily mean he's annoyed at you, having a disagreement on this or that doesn't mean that she's thinking of breaking up with you. If you're worried, talk it out, don't get trapped in your own head. You'll go nuts, dude, trust me. Fresh Meat
Seeing Other Relationships End While Yours Is Just StartingThis is so disheartening to see, and it'll lead to one of two things. You'll either keep positive and try to defy the odds by having a great, long-lasting relationship...or you'll start to doubt your relationship's strengths and wonder if it'll come to an end sooner rather than later. It's hard, but try not to do the latter. Relationships end for all kinds of reasons, and no one relationship is alike. If you need some reassurance, check out these signs that your relationship is stronger than you think. Clueless
Parental ApprovalAs much as the thought of our parents gushing over our love lives might freak us out, it's a lot better than them being totally against your partner. It's one thing if your parents are angry that you're underage and are dating an adult (more on that here), it's another if you're, say, a girl who is dating another girl and your parents aren't down with that. There are no easy solutions to this problem, unfortunately. Don't put yourself or your partner in any unsafe situations, however, in an attempt to get their approval. Some things are better kept under wraps. But I'm A Cheerleader
Trying To Figure Out The Whole Sex ThingThis is very much a "your mileage may vary" situation, but almost all of us get to that moment in a relationship at some point or another. What's most important is to be real with yourself and know what you're potentially comfortable with doing. Know that before you approach bae about going to the next level or vice versa. It can be daunting if this person is your first, but try not to get too idealistic about it from the jump. I'm not saying to have low expectations, but don't assume you'll be in a fairy tale scenario either. Keep it real. Girls
PresentsBuying presents for bae for the first time is a lot scarier than it sounds. Why? Because it's all about finding the right balance. Giving nothing as a gift isn't an option--it makes you look like you don't care, and I know that people are caught up in seeming as chill as possible in relationships, but this isn't the time. On the other hand, spending a lot of money on a gift for someone you just became official with? That's doing the most. Consider an experience gift, like paying for dinner or copping tickets to a gig. Or, get them a present that is at least under $60. Your best bet is to give them something you know they'll use, like a nice sweater or an album on vinyl if they have a record player (just make sure they don't have it already). YouTube/BritneySpearsVevo
Friend ApprovalWho the hell doesn't want their friends to be head over heels about their BF/GF? We all want our friends to think that we're a cute couple and relationship goals the hell out of us, but don't try to force them to. Some of your friends will love your partner, some of them will be indifferent. It takes a really crappy bae for your friends to straight up hate the person you're seeing, however, so at least there's that. Don't lay it on too thick by talking about your partner all the time so that they'll warm up to him. Let it happen naturally. The Craft
Your First FightA first fight can either be a big deal or an insignificant footnote in your relationship, depending on its severity and the nature of the topic. There's a difference between fighting about snooping into bae's phone, and fighting about whether Drake is a trash rapper or not. No matter what, arguments are always about something more than they seem. Do you two have trust issues? Do you feel like your opinion isn't valued? Do you two have different values? These are the kinds of questions y'all need to work out after your first flare up; it might prevent more in the future. Pretty In Pink
What’s your go to scary movie to watch whenever you feel like having the crap scared out of you? Tell us in the comments!