8 Bi People Get Real On How To Actually Tell If You’re Bi

If you’re confused about the concept of bisexuality, you’re not alone. On a purely superficial, surface level, bisexuality is easy to grasp–most dictionaries define it as simply having a sexual attraction to both men and women–but its reality, like most things, is more complex. If you view human sexuality, as most people do, as a sort of continuum (with gay on on side and straight on the other), bisexuality is somewhere in the middle.  Like, literally anywhere in the middle–it’s possible to be at any part of the spectrum and still identify as bi. This means, as per the dictionary definition, that you can you can like both guys and girls (and those who don’t identify as one particular gender) in perfectly equal amounts. You can also be mostly interested in guys and a tiny bit interested in girls or mostly interested in girls and a tiny bit interested in guys and tell people that you’re bi. (Though, obviously, you don’t have to.) Any one of these feelings (and anywhere in between) is totally legit.

Basically, bisexuality is fluid, which is great, particularly if you’ve never really felt as though you fit neatly into a “gay” or “straight” box. But, for this reason, bisexuality is often discounted as a sexual orientation– the idea of being attracted to both sexes is often viewed as a sort of confusion (it’s not!), or assume that bisexuality is a cry for attention (it’s not!), or that it’s just a stop on the road to coming out as gay (again–not really!).

In any case, Bisexual Visibility Day (also known as Celebrate Bisexuality Day) is coming up on September 23rd. So, in honor of that, I found a few Reddit threads talking about what most people probably wonder when it comes to bisexuality–how can you tell if you’re bi? Some of the answers might surprise you! Check ’em out here:

Kissing & Crushing

Towerz said: Second grade. First time I'd kissed a girl and the same year I'd started crushing on a guy.

Image source: iStock

A Scientific Process

OpticianOfUrza said: Had sex with a woman and loved it; had sex with a man, loved it. Kinda sealed the deal for me after years of on-and-off questioning.

Image source: iStock

Movie Magic

ApacheFlame said: I'm not really sure. I guess when I was in my early teens I had feelings, but didn't really understand them. When I hit 15 I watched Rocky Horror for the first time (I'm such a cliché...). It taught me that it was OK to have feelings (sexual/romantic) for guys which put me at ease and made sense of some of the feelings I had before. From then on I have always thought of myself as bi. Boring really!

Image source: iStock

Developing Crushes

ME24601 said: I just sort of always knew, or at least suspected. I had crushes on members of both sexes from a very early age (The daughter of my mom's friend when I was 7 and another on a comic book character when I was 8). So it was always sort of apparent to me.

Image source: iStock

Television Assistance

[DeletedAccount] said: I'd always felt attracted to girls too, but never 'knew' for sure until.. and I know this sounds stupid... Lucy Lawless showed up on my TV as Xena. I was 18. I had kissed a couple of girls but when I saw Lucy.. there was no doubt. It's silly, but she helped me realize I was bi and I'm proud. 🙂

Image source: iStock

Not Knowing You're Different

Qwerty87 said: I thought everybody was like me, and then realized that there existed "straight" people when I was about 13.

Image source: iStock

Trying Both

PirateCodingMonkey said: When I was about 7 or 8, I realized that while all the boys were crushing on girls, and the girls were crushing on boys, I was crushing on both. There were girls that I liked and were attracted to, but there were also boys who I had similar feelings for. As I grew older, these feelings only intensified. I would masturbate to thoughts and images of both men and women. I explored both men and women sexually, and had emotional as well as physical connections with several members of both sexes.

Image source: iStock

Ignoring The Haters

learning_to_fly5193 said: When I think 'Hey, what if the haters are right, and I am just gay?' Then I see a hot guy and I'm like 'Yeah...but...' I'm female, btw.

Image source: iStock


What did you think of these answers? Were you surprised by any of them? Let us know in the comments!

You can reach the author, Sara Hendricks, on Twitter and Instagram.

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