Okay, imagine this very common scenario: you meet the perfect person. They’re sexy, smart, and make you laugh like no one else. The only problem – they’re afraid of commitment. Maybe they just got through a nasty breakup. Maybe they’ve never been in a *real* relationship before. Maybe they’re using it as an excuse to keep doing whatever they want while also having you on the side. OR MAYBE THEY’RE JUST WAITING FOR THE NEXT BEST THING. The fear of commitment line is, unfortunately, a classic, and it’s happened to the best of us. But every one in a while, someone manages to snag and change that person who’s scared to take the next step, and you have to wonder how they did it.
It’s always difficult to figure out how to proceed with someone who is not ready to commit. Do you throw in the towel? Take it slow? Pressure them until they give in? You don’t want to end up wasting your time and emotions on someone who has no intention of taking things to the next level. How do you date someone who’s scared of commitment without either freaking them out completely or forcing something upon them that’s destined to fail? And how do you get through the lame excuses to see what’s true and what isn’t? Too often people use the excuse that they’re not ready for a relationship when in truth they’re just not that into you. I’ve been with plenty of guys who explained to me they just weren’t in a place to date seriously but end up in committed relationships just months after!
We decided to go to the source to get answers. Men in this Reddit thread gave some great advice as to how to date a guy who’s scared of commitment. It’s not easy, and it’s not foolproof, but these tips will help in some way!
Be Sure It's The TruthA_New_Knight: "Before you try anything, be sure he is afraid of commitment. Being 'afraid of commitment' is our number one excuse for not wanting to further a relationship we see as nothing more than physical." A lot of the time, guys use that saying as a way to have their cake and eat it too - basically, they can hook up with you and other people if they so choose. Pay attention to how your guy acts. Does he seem like he's trying to make things work with you, but it's emotionally difficult for him? Or is he not trying at all and instead trying to be with other people too? You can usually tell when someone is being genuine or not if you're honest with yourself about it. Source: iStock
Give Them The Space They WantWalkabeast: "As a guy who has frequently pulled the 'I just wanna keep things casual' card, this is how my girlfriend got me: 1. No Pressure. I wasn't nagged because she wasn't able to go and talk to her friends about her boyfriend. 2. Respect his reasons. Mine was that I had finally put the nail in the coffin that was a hellish almost 3 year long relationship. You're going to have to be okay with the fact he may be seeing other people, actively tindering or whatnot. 3. Be someone worth committing to. 4. Be okay with the fact that you may go like 2-3 weeks without hanging out. Sometimes there's just weekends where guys want to be alone, or the bros have weekend plans and it would be a little weird if you tagged along. Not saying it has to be complete radio silence, but me feeling free to do what I wanted to do, without fearing her disappointment was a major plus." Source: iStock
Don't PressureQuixotic_Neutral: "Don't pressure him. I'm not sure why you think breaking it off is the only way to move forward, unless you are looking for a committed relationship right this second, in which case breaking it off might be a good idea because who knows how long it will take him to be ready." Source: iStock
Give It TimeAnonymous: "I think it is very rare to have an actual 'fear of commitment', and that usually comes out of a previous experience in life that had left them extremely hurt or abused. At the same time if someone feels that they are with the right person then they should know that they shouldn't be afraid of those things. Which is why I feel a lot of the time when you hear the, 'Well... honestly... I am afraid of commitment and scared to get involved...' it's just an easy way to put things on hold while they figure out what they want. I think men and women equally use it as an excuse when they subconsciously aren't sure about their partner and need some time." Source: iStock
There's Nothing You Can DoRadBenjamin: "If he doesn't want to commit, nothing you do or say can change his mind." This is pretty true. If a guy is insistent that he's not going to change, don't try to change him! It rarely works, and it's also not really fair. It's like if you said you didn't want to do something, and the other person completely disregarded your feelings and tried to get you to do it anyway. Source: iStock
Be Understandingslut_training: "Don't try to force him into it. Be very patient. Learn to be comfortable going at his pace. Make sure he know you're there for him and that you still care no matter what. It can also help to find out why he's scared of commitment. If he's getting over a bad relationship then do your best not to replicate the same behaviors she exhibited. If you get to the point where your thinking, 'He better commit by xyz' then you should just break it off because that's not the attitude you're going to need. Also, don't think you can 'make' or 'convince' him to commit. If he's going to commit fully it's going to be on his terms when he's ready. Source: iStock
They're Not Actually AfraidTheodoros9: "People seem to frame not wanting commitment as 'afraid', like it's a phobia you have to get over. Some people just don't want relationships, or often the more hurtful version of that: they don't want relationships with you." Source: iStock
Have you ever ended up dating someone who started off being “afraid of commitment?” Let me know in the comments below!