Ask A Guy: How To Get A Guy To Like You If You’re Really Shy

Hey Joel,

Okay, so I have two problems–I really like this guy, but I’m really shy. Like, whenever I’m around him, nothing comes out of my mouth. Do you have any tips for shy girls on how to flirt without making a really big deal about it? Basically baby steps for flirting. I can’t do anything else. Thanks!


While it may seem a bit odd, one of the best things you can do is practice. Yes, practice talking to this guy when he’s not around. Start by writing down a few things you can talk about when you really do find yourself face to face. Make sure these are topics you’re comfortable with, and that you also have in common. If you share classes or friends, those are great places to start, as they are simple and not at all awkward.

Once you’ve got a few topics to choose from, just sort of have the conversation out loud. I know this may seem totally weird, (and you may want to do it in your bedroom alone) but just saying some sentences as if he were there can make the real thing much easier. It’s similar to getting comfortable with public speaking, as the ultimate goal is to have more confidence in your actual words, so your brain doesn’t get in the way. Just going through the motions a few times before hand will put you more at ease, and you won’t have a panicked scramble when trying to think of what to talk about.

Now insofar as flirting is concerned, you just need to trust that it will happen on its own. Whether it’s from your body language or just the way you phrase things, flirting is best when it occurs completely naturally. Also, focusing on “how” to flirt is probably adding to your overall stress about talking to this guy in the first place. Focus on the conversation, as that is far more important. If there’s a spark between the two of you, flirting will take care of itself.

Remember that even though you’re crushing on this guy, he’s no different than any of your friends in terms of having a conversation. Just take a deep breath and go after it! Spending a bit of time preparing for the first conversation is the best way to set yourself up for success–so get planning and good luck!

Best wishes,


Joel Freimark has done a lot in life and seen even more. From last minute international travel to bizarre places to writing award winning books, he’s here to bring his wisdom to all your problems. He hosts a weekly advice series on Youtube and a music series also on YouTube. No question is too outrageous or personal, so go ahead and fire away! Follow him on Twitter.

Are you confused about a guy? Do you find yourself wondering, “What is he thinking?” Tell us everything in the comments! And if you have a question for Joel, email him at!

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  • Donna

    Yeah, I did this a couple years ago (I’m in my 30s and he is in his 40s just so you know). I wrote down on a note card how I felt about us as friends, how I was confused if we are friends still since we haven’t talked in a year. Well, he saw my note card that I was hiding in my hand so in case I forgot my words, I could just look down. It was a bad idea because he saw the note card and took it out of my hand and read it. He smiled, and asked me if what I wrote was true and if I really love him. I said “yes” and then started to apologize profusely that I just ruined our friendship. He held my hands in his and told me to stop apologizing because if my feelings are real, then there is nothing to apologize. I asked him if he could ever give us a chance, and he said (with a smile again) “maybe some day.” But the problem for me is, though I left that conversation happier, he never opened up and told me how he felt about us. I’m not even sure what he meant by “maybe some day.”

    • beth

      what happened after ??????