We all want to be good in bed, but sometimes we end up taking sex advice that hurts us more than it helps. Great sex is mostly just being aware of how your partner is reacting to things and playing off of that. It’s more improvised fun and less like a rehearsed performance you planned beforehand. When you start making moves in bed that you read about online, you can end up doing things that the other person just isn’t into. You also run the risk of acting like a robot, or trying too hard. The best way to become amazing at sex is to go with the flow, do what feels right at the time, and have fun!
I’ve been the recipient of people trying things they thought were great to do in bed that were actually really turning me off. Since they weren’t tuned in to me and instead just acting on the advice of someone else, they didn’t even notice that what they were doing wasn’t working! I’ve been bitten, sucked on, talked dirty to, and thrown around in ways that looked good on paper but just weren’t working for me in the moment. When I complain about this to my girlfriends, the nod their heads in agreement. It seems everyone has fallen victim to sex that didn’t make them feel good.
Again, I can’t stress enough that great sex is all about safety, respect, and open communication. It usually doesn’t involve crazy stuff like eating a donut off of a penis! Here are a few popular sex tips that don’t actually work:
Use FoodSex advice columnists love to talk about using food to spice up the experience in the bedroom. Food during sex is problematic for many reasons. First, you're going to make the sheets a mess. Instead of cuddling and enjoying each other after the event, you going to be doing laundry! "Sexy" whip cream can quickly become sour milk if it's not immediately washed off. Even more importantly, food shouldn't be anywhere near your lady bits. You're risking all sorts of complications including infections and irritation. Yikes. Source: iStock
Stick A Finger In Their ButtYou've probably read about the wonders of the prostate and anal play in general, but it's not a good idea to surprise your man (or woman) with a finger in the butt with no notice beforehand. You could make them feel violated or unsafe, and often the other person would like to "prepare" themselves before this kind of event happens. Source: iStock
BitingA little nibbling here and there is fine, but once you start piercing the skin and drawing blood you're crossing some lines of consent. You never want to intentionally cause another person pain without clearing it with them first. This includes scratches, biting, and slapping. Source: iStock
Boss Them AroundYou read lots of advice now about guiding your partner in the bedroom so that you can have the most enjoyable experience possible. However, avoid being rude when redirecting the person with whom you're having sex. Some guys and girls don't have a ton of experience, and it can cause them to lose confidence. Say things in a positive light, like, "I really like when you ___" Source: iStock
Make Lots Of NoiseMake noise during sex if you feel like making noise. Don't do it because you think it adds to the sexual experience. People can usually tell when you're putting on a show as opposed to genuinely reacting to the moment. Source: iStock
Road HeadYou'll probably hear advice that it's fun to have sex in unexpected places. While the idea of blowing your man while he's driving seems sexy and spontaneous, it's actually super dangerous. Unless you want to explain to the car you hit that you did it because you were irresponsibly having sex while operating a speeding metal box, I'd avoid any sort of road head. Source: iStock
Talk DirtyTalking dirty during sex is only going to work if you're actually into it. If you're just trying to do it because someone told you that it's a good thing to do during sex, you're probably going to sound weird and forced. Instead, do what makes you feel sexy. Source: iStock
Use Your TeethSometimes sex advice columnists advise you to gently graze your teeth over sensitive areas like the penis or clitoris. SO RISKY. It's probably best to avoid getting your teeth anywhere near these areas, as one false move can take the experience from pleasurable to painful. There are lots of great things you can do to those areas that don't involve teeth! Source: iStock
What’s the worst sex advice you’re gotten? Let me know in the comments below!