7 Easy Ways To Be Better At Using Your Tongue When You Kiss

As everyone knows, the ranking of kisses from most-to-least terrifying goes, objectively, like this:

  1. Hershey kisses
  2. Kiss on the forehead (from mom)
  3. Kiss on the forehead (from your crush)
  4. Kiss on the forehead (from Great-Aunt Dolores)
  5. KISS (the band)
  6. The “classic peck”
  7. Dementor’s kiss
  8. Tongue kisses (french kisses, making out, etc.)

(Honorable mention: those families who kiss on the mouth and don’t think it’s weird, but I am not here to discuss that today.)

Tongue kisses can be particularly scary because, well, not only are you putting a slimy, moist part of your body into another person’s slimy, moist body cavity (sorry), there is technically a lot that can go wrong. Not that wrong, obviously–a bad kiss is not the equivalent of irreversibly destroying the country’s nuclear power grid or saying that you got robbed at gunpoint when you actually just vandalized a gas station bathroom and didn’t want your mom to find out about it–but kissing with tongue can still feel terrifying, particularly if you’ve never done it before. But it doesn’t have to be that scary! Check out these super easy ways to be better at using your tongue when you kiss:


Don't Start With Tongue Right Away

No need to get all Usain Bolt with your tongue here--this is definitely a situation in which form is preferable to speed. So, start off with an easy, closed-mouth kiss. If this lasts a while, you can move on to tongue.

Image source: iStock

Follow Your Partner's Lead

In fact, you'll almost always be able to tell when the time is right to start using your tongue, since you can generally follow the lead of whomever you're kissing. Wait to see when they start to open their mouth and move their tongue around, then start doing the same. You don't even have to be particularly original with your movements, either, since you can literally just mimic whatever your partner does.

Image source: iStock

Don't Be Afraid To Make Your Move, Though

Don't feel like anyone is taking the lead? Do it yourself--gently slide your tongue halfway between their lips and see what they do. If they open their mouth more, you can slide your tongue all the way in. If they don't really react, just pull back. It's not a big deal at all, they just might not be ready for tongue yet.

Image source: iStock

Less Is More

"When in doubt, go without," is a very famous aphorism that I just made up about using your tongue when you kiss. But, seriously--too much tongue in a kiss is probably what most commonly makes it cross over from a "good" kiss to a bad one. So, instead of, like, going for it with the tongue, try to focus most of your energy on your lips (opening your mouth, varying pressure, etc.) and think of the tongue as more of an accent than the main event. Even if you feel like you're being sparing, your point will definitely come across.

Image source: iStock

Do A Gentle Swirl

"Gentle Swirl" sounds terrible, for some reason, but that's the action you should be trying to execute when you make out with someone. Don't poke. Don't make your tongue flaccid and lay it flat in your partner's mouth. Don't lick their teeth. Just move your tongue in slow, easy circles around their tongue.

Image source: iStock

Practice On Your Hand

Seriously! It won't offer much in the way of direct feedback, but it is a good way to gauge how much pressure your tongue is capable of giving. Push as hard as you can, then as soft as you can, then find a place somewhere in the middle that's good for making out. Think of what you would like in a kiss, and try to do that on your hand.

Image source: iStock

Don't Overthink It

I know--"following instructions" and "not overthinking" don't exactly go hand-in-hand. But, really, you've got it. If you just go with your gut, pay attention to how your partner is reacting, and do what you think you'd like, you're going to be totally fine. In most cases, the person you're kissing is also probably a little nervous, and, at the very least, isn't an expert on kissing either. Just let it happen and see where it takes you.

Image source: iStock

What do you think of these tips? Do you have any to share? Let us know in the comments!

You can reach the author, Sara Hendricks, on Twitter and Instagram.

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