If you’ve spent any time in the dating world, ever, you know what ghosting means: it refers to the moment the person you’re talking to/dating/hooking up with disappears off the face of the earth with no heads up and seemingly with no reason. Ghosting is when that person you’ve been texting regularly stops responding out of nowhere. It is not new at all, it’s just that in today’s world, when you can get in touch with someone a million different ways, it seems more common and more deliberate. But even though it’s been happening forever, ghosting will always be one of the suckiest feelings, especially if you’re like me and you can’t stand leaving things up in the air. So why do people, or guys specifically, ghost girls?
I have a good idea of why dudes do it, because I ghosted someone once. (I know! I still feel bad about it, okay?!) I was in college and a guy I had been close friends with in middle school saw that I was newly single and got in touch with me on Facebook. We texted for a while and then went on a date. He was a really nice guy, he was clearly very interested in me, and our date was nice. But… it was just nice. I wanted to be interested in him, but I wasn’t, and I didn’t know why. I also didn’t know how to say that, and so instead, I ghosted him because I am the worst. But, because karma is real, it happened to me later on.
Being ghosted hurts a lot, and because it hurts so much, it’s normal to start questioning it. You don’t want to admit the real reason someone did it, and so you look for every possible excuse (i.e. “Maybe their phone died and they lost my number and all other forms of communication!” or “Maybe they thought I wasn’t interested and so I need to show more interest until they respond.”) to make it be about anything but their interest in you. I get it – but it’s time to face the facts. Here are 10 common reasons guys ghost girls, taken straight from the mouths of dudes in this Ask Reddit thread. Time to admit the hard truths!
They Don't Consider It GhostingstcamelliaMale: I don't really consider it "ghosting" if you just met. If you have 1 or 2 dates and then decide its not for you? You have no resonsibility to that person. Sex can complicate this, sure. I have been on dates where I just didn't feel it. Or the post-date contact was off. So I just forgot about it. Whatever. People who actually slowly or immediately vanish on someone once expectations are forming? Yeah that is bad. It seems like people have their own opinions of ghosting that might differ from yours. I saw a lot of guys say things like "it's not ghosting if you haven't hooked up" or "it's not ghosting if you went on one date." I personally think it's courteous to say something if you guys hung out at least once, but maybe the person ghosting you didn't think it was necessary. Source: iStock
Because You Didn't Reach Out Eitherwatermakesyoufat: 100% of the time when I "ghost" someone, they never reached out to contact me either, so I don't feel bad about it. If they do reach out to me and I'm not interested, I'll let them know. You know that little game a lot of girls play where they don't want to be the one who texts first? Yeah... sometimes that backfires. Dudes want to be pursued too, and if you show absolutely no interest, it's not going to make them want to show any. Source: iStock
They Feel Like You Didn't Hit It OffMrGreggleMale: We didn't hit it off as well as she thinks. If I'm with a girl and concluded that I'm not into her I'll often prod her and ask her lots of questions and followups about herself and she'll enjoy talking about herself. Most people do. I do it to get through the awkwardness and keep the conversation going, but usually I've checked out and its a low effort way to make it through the night. People love talking about themselves though, so after getting her to talk about herself all night they tend to walk way thinking it went well. What I think this dude is saying is that they might make you feel like things are working, but they actually aren't. Which is maybe one of the most annoying ghosting excuses you've ever heard, because it explains nothing, but sometimes it is actually the only explanation. Source: iStock
They Actually Were Really BusyDreadfulRauw: Honestly? Because sometimes I simply was busy the next couple of days. And then I think about it, and if I didn't make it a priority to contact you, and you didn't contact me, then it's probably not worth pursuing. This makes sense - if you get really busy and realize you didn't even try to contact the person, that basically means you didn't care enough, because if you did care, you would make the time. Source: iStock
It Was Just About SexlodroMale: The sex wasn't as good as I thought it would be and/or I only wanted to have sex once in the first place. Or I realized that she wasn't going to put out Yup, sometimes it IS the douchiest reason. Source: iStock
They Had Fun But Then Changed Their MindsThe__FishMale: I've done this a few times. I've hit it off with a lot of girls on dates but when I get home I don't feel like I want to date them again. It's usually because I realise I don't want anything serious and phasing the girl out is easier than saying I don't want to go out with her. The worst ghosting experience is when you hang out, everything seems great, and then you don't hear from them again. It's confusing! At least if things were bad you could understand it more. Apparently, a lot of dudes change their minds once they get home and think about things... so, if it feels totally off, that could be why. Source: iStock
You Texted Them Too Much and Made Them MadWaterStoryMarkMale: The only time I do this is if they text me over and over with no response. If I'm busy enough that I don't text you for a few hours, you shouldn't freak out. I'm 27 and this happens with Tinder/Zoosk women around my age all the time. It's ridiculous. This is why you can't text someone over and over again if they aren't responding, especially in the beginning of something - it's annoying enough for them to push you away. I've done this to guys before. I was once talking to a guy who would text me nonstop, even if I didn't respond. One time I put my phone in my room, then went downstairs for 45 minutes, and came back to 20 texts. I stopped talking to him after that. Sometimes it's too much! Source: iStock
It's Easier Than Being Honestmashonem: Same reason girls do: it's easier for the ghoster to deal with. It's shitty for the ghostee, and it's and overall bitch move, but it's definitely easier to ignore this problem and let it go away. It's not helped that a lot of men and women don't take rejection well, and lash out at the person doing the rejecting, which leads to more ghosting in the future. People suck It's true! Some people are too afraid to be honest, and so they take the easy way out. That's why I did it. Source: iStock
You Were A Little Too NeedyHawks_2008Male: She was super needy and it was a huge turn off for me. Similar to texting too much, acting too needy in general can push someone away. Does that mean they need to ghost you? No, but sometimes if someone feels like a "not interested" won't suffice, they skip it and just move on. Source: iStock
They Lost Interestjimd92: Simply put, I lost interest in you. I have told girls in the past this exact thing and right aways they get all bitter and prideful. They act like they can't possibly fathom the fact that not every male isn't swooning over her all the time. Yes, sometimes it really is that simple: he's not interested and doesn't know how to say that and/or doesn't want to deal with what happens after. Source: iStock
Have you ever ghosted someone? Why did you do it? Tell me in the comments.