Being in a relationship IRL isn’t like being in an Internet relationship goals couple (which usually doesn’t even last). Sure, in the beginning everything is sweet and loving and wonderful – you always put on makeup and wear a new sexy pair of underwear before hanging out, you pretend you don’t have bodily functions like every other human, and your period is never talked about. But as you and your bae start to get more comfortable with each other, you’ll find yourself doing and talking about some “gross” things… or, you should notice that. If you don’t, and you still feel like you’re walking on eggshells after a significant amount of time, then that’s a sign you two definitely aren’t opening up to each other enough.
It takes everyone a different amount of time before they start being honest about these things, and a lot of the time, it depends on personalities. For example, my boyfriend and I have been together for almost six years. I’ve never been shy about discussing my period with him, and he has never been shy about asking about it. However, it wasn’t until very recently that I was able to talk a little bit more about poop and all of that fun stuff – this is because I absolutely hate discussing that kind of thing, and I don’t talk about it with anyone, if you must know. The other stuff happened somewhere in between, but each time we passed one of these little milestones, I felt pretty proud of us and our strong bond.
Want to know if you and bae are on the right path? See if you’re doing these gross things only serious couples can do together. If you can’t do any of them, you need to be more honest with each other. And if you can only do some, good job – you’re getting there! It might feel uncomfortable at first, but these things are essential for a healthy relationship.
Being Super Sweaty During SexSex, when you think about it, is quite gross. When you take away the fact that it feels good, you remember all of the exchanging of bodily fluids and rubbing of random body parts together. One of the grossest things about sex has to be when both or one of you get really sweaty, and the sweat gets everywhere. There isn't much you can do to fix this if you are a sweaty person, but the day you stop feeling completely grossed out by his/her sweaty body on top of yours is the day you are feeling significantly more comfortable around each other. Source: iStock
Wearing Old UnderwearIn the beginning of a relationship, you run out and a buy a new pair of underwear for every time you hang out with the person. It's all lace and silk and thongs and pretty little bows - or it's no underwear at all. This is fun and it makes you feel good, but after a while, it becomes impossible and tiring to put on your "good" underwear every single time you two are together, especially if you're together every day. You start wearing the same underwear more than once, and then you get to the point where you stop caring completely. This doesn't mean you're wearing old underwear that hasn't been washed (don't do this), it just means you're more comfortable having sexy times while wearing the granny panties you have that, admittedly, have holes in them. And you still feel sexy, and they're still turned on by you. Success! Source: iStock
Pooping and Talking About PoopAbout a year ago, my cousin asked me if my boyfriend and I talked about poop together. I gasped, appalled because I am a ~girl~ and I don't poop OBVIOUSLY, and said "never" very quickly. She sighed and said, "You should. It's very liberating." Her words stuck with me, and I told my boyfriend about it. A few days later, he talked to me about poop, because he thought my story was a hint that I wanted to talk about poop. It wasn't, it's just that I can't let one thing happen to me without telling someone else about it. Except, you know, poop. This is all to say that talking about poop with your bae IS liberating. Avoiding the topic, finding excuses to go home when you REALLY need to poop, and having a panic attack if you do it in his/her bathroom is exhausting. Admitting that you're doing it is freeing. And also, logical, because bae KNOWS you poop already, I promise. Source: iStock
Kissing With Bad BreathIf you've been with bae long enough, and your parents are cool, then you two have probably spent the night together. This means two things: one, you guys get to experience what you each look like before makeup, hair brushing, and waking up. Two, you kiss when you have bad breath. That is, unless you are me, who spent the first solid year and a half of my relationship waking up early to run to the bathroom and brush my teeth so I could pretend I woke up minty fresh. Kissing with bad breath happens, and it's actually a good thing, because it means you're comfortable with each other. At some point, you'll even be in a place where you can be like, "Ew, go brush your teeth" without them getting insulted. Source: iStock
Discussing/Dealing With Body HairThe beginning of many relationships goes something like this: the girl shaves/waxes every piece of body hair possible before hanging with her significant other, making her seem hairless and silky smooth. After a few months or years, things get more real because honestly, shaving sucks. Every couple has that moment where they're hooking up, they realize they haven't shaved in quite some time, and then they shrug and forget about it, because they don't care. It is so nice. Source: iStock
Talking About PeriodsDespite happening to every woman out there, periods can still be a taboo subject when in a relationship, especially if you're dating a dude. I know girls who have avoided hanging out with a guy if she has her period just so she doesn't need to explain. I have friends who say lovely little phrases like "It's that time of the month" or "I can't right now. No, really, like, I can't right now. You know? You get it?" instead of just being like "I have my period." And even then, they won't comment on their PMS or allow their BF to see the super tampons in their bag. Although I hate talking about poop and I used to pretend that I woke up with perfect eyeliner and minty breath, I have not a care in the world when it comes to talking about my period. I will tell anyone about it. I talk to my boyfriend about it all the time, and he talks about it too, and it's great! So, just do it. Trust me. It's much better. Source: iStock
Farting and BurpingEven though there's a stereotype that every guy does nothing but fart and burp and laugh about those two things all day long, this doesn't always transfer to relationships. I remember once, about three years after we started dating, my boyfriend accidentally farted in front of me. He was so embarrassed that he actually blushed and then hid under the comforter (he will KILL me for writing that I'm SORRY). It was adorable. The point is, farting and burping is normal, and you should do it in front of bae, because it is liberating. Source: iStock
Having Period SexSometimes you really want to have sex, but you have your period. So... why not have period sex? Once you get to a point where you can talk about menstruation, the period sex point isn't too far after. It might sound gross, but it's not at all, and most long-term couples have done it, even if they say they haven't. Source: iStock
Being Sick Around Each OtherAs a certified germaphobe who acts like a crazy person whenever someone around her gets sick, I can promise you that if my boyfriend had a stomach virus, I would leave my house until he had scrubbed it clean with all of the Lysol in our bathroom. That said, I am always there to take care of him when he has a cold or a sore throat or a virus that isn't located in his stomach. I am not horrible! There are better people than me, people who help their S.O.'s when they're sick no matter what it is. The day you can cuddle with your bae even when they're dripping snot on you and you really don't care is the day you guys have made it. Kind of. Source: iStock
Popping Each Other's PimplesOnce I watched my sister's best friend pop a pimple on her back and I gagged and wondered how anyone did that to each other, especially with a significant other. Then one day, my boyfriend had a pimple on his back and it was bothering me and... I popped it. Is it gross? Yeah, tbh, it kind of is. But it's also weirdly... cool? Yup. Source: iStock
Which of these gross things do you and your bae do together? Did I forget anything? Let me know in the comments.