9 Weird Kitchen Gadgets That Look Like Sex Toys

Do you ever notice that once you think something looks like something that it isn’t, you find that everything starts looking like it? Let me explain that a little further. For example, has anyone ever pointed out to you how much two balloons look like a pair of breasts? Then did you find yourself looking at random objects and thinking they looked like boobs? That’s the definition of a creative (and slightly perverted) mind right there.

I recently showed you guys real life beauty gadgets that could pass for sex toys. Surprisingly, when you start looking around, there are a lot of skincare gadgets that look very similar to vibrators, butt plugs, and other sexy time toys. And once your mind has drawn the comparison between sex toys and skincare gadgets, you can guarantee that you’re going to find other objects that look like sex toys. Which is why I’m now writing about kitchen gadgets that look like sex toys.

If you find yourself in the kitchen section of a department store, your sexy mind might start wondering why some gadgets look similar to dildos and other sex toys. You won’t be the only one to notice the comparison. There’s something about all that colorful plastic and sleek designs that clearly says “dildo’s cousin.” Just note that just because something looks like a dildo, doesn’t mean you should be shoving it up your cooch. Let’s keep the dildos and kitchen gadgets for their intended uses, and just enjoy how visually similar they are, shall we? Check out nine real kitchen gadgets that could pass for sex toys:

1. Electric Immersion Hand Blender

Kitchen 1

Bright color? Check. Sleek design? Check? Ergonomic handle? Check. So far this ticks all of the sex toy boxes, however this is something that you don’t want to be putting anywhere near your body parts. It is an immersion blender and it has a very dangerous blade on the end. From far away it can be deceiving…

Electric Immersion Hand Blender, $29.95, Amazon

 

2. Teablee Stainless Steel Honey Dipper

Kitchen 2

Do you have any idea what this is? Would you ever guess that it was for the kitchen? I don’t know if I would. It is actually a fancy stainless steel honey dipper. You can also use it as a swizzle stick in your drinks, which is why it has the curved design. As for the ball on the other end, your guess is as good as mine.

Teablee Stainless Steel Honey Dipper, $12.47, Amazon

 
3. Brushed Stainless Steel Pestle

Kitchen 3

Once you see the resemblance, you cannot unsee it. What can I say to make it clear that this is actually for the kitchen? It even comes in a keepsake black bag. One thing that would have helped is if it came with the mortar. Most sex toys don’t include a mortar.

Brushed Stainless Steel Pestle, $12.50, Amazon

 

4. Kitchen Colorize Life 10-Inch Stainless Steel Ball Whisk

Kitchen 4

If this thing vibrated, there would be no convincing people that it was actually for the kitchen. What kind of device has miniature balls on it and a handle that isn’t for ~*sexy times*~? FYI: The unusual ball whisk design is supposed to help shorten the beating time when you’re making sauces or eggs.

Kitchen Colorize Life 10-Inch Stainless Steel Ball Whisk, $7.99, Amazon

 

5. Hiware Cocktail Muddler

Kitchen 5

Cocktail fans are probably familiar with muddlers, but they may not be familiar with ones that are as round and, erm, phallic as this one. Does the fact that it has a “highly durable head” make it sound better or worse?

Hiware Cocktail Muddler, $6.99, Amazon

 

6. Eddingtons Banana Guard

Kitchen 6

Have you ever taken a banana in your lunch and been horrified at the brown, squished mess that is in your lunch bag when you open it up? This banana guard is the solution. It keeps your bananas from getting ruined and comes with the added bonus of looking like a sex toy. At least it isn’t skin-colored.

Eddingtons Banana Guard, $8.99, Amazon

 

7. KitchenAid Plastic Citrus Reamer

Kitchen 7

This kitchen gadget already has the pervy sounding name “reamer.” (I just called it the hand lemon squeezy thing, but apparently that isn’t a technical term.) If you threw it in a pile with a bunch of colorful butt plugs, would you be able to pick it out? Good luck.

KitchenAid Plastic Citrus Reamer, $15.46, Amazon

 

8. Art And Cook Citrus ReamerKitchen 8a

Just in case you thought the other reamer wasn’t enough, there is also this one. The soft rubber handle is meant to absorb tension from your hands while the aluminum head is meant for easy juicing. Nothing too sexy sounding about that, is there?

Art And Cook Citrus Reamer, $13.78, Amazon

 

9. Penis Woody Bottle Opener

Kitchen 9

There are some kitchen gadgets that subtly nod to sexy times. Then there are those that are inspired by it. See this penis-shaped bottle opener. Oh, and did I mention that it measures 8-inches long?

Penis Woody Bottle Opener, $19, Amazon

 

What else do you think looks like it could be a sex toy? Let us know in the comments!

You can follow the author, Heather Cichowski, on Twitter.

 

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