When it came to sex and relationships in high school – no joke – my mother would call it “practice” for real grown up relationships. And you know what? She wasn’t entirely off base. Your first college hook up will feel like the Real Deal. It will feel super exhilarating for a moment, before it becomes totally embarrassing. You’re finally on your own, you can make your own choices, and there’s no social hierarchy to play in to just yet. None of you know who each other really is yet, so everyone’s showing up the first week of college just going on what they’re most attracted to. It’s kind of great, but also, you don’t really know who this person is! Things can get… awkward.
Your first college hook up is, most likely, quick, intense, and possibly short lived. I have friends who met the loves of their lives within the first few months of school and they’re happily still together. But this is definitely the exception to the rule. Not everything can go perfectly smoothly from the get-go. Where’s the fun in that? Even the embarrassing ones have their redeeming qualities. There are just some facts you need to get straight and know going into your first college hook up. Have fun, but of course, above all else, have a sense of humor about it. Life is messy and weird. So is hooking up with someone you just met recently who you’re also going to be living with and hanging out with for the next four years or so. God speed. These are 15 embarrassing facts about your first college hook up.
1) It’ll happen within the first few months of college.
If not the first few weeks.
2) You will wind up clearing this person by at least a dozen of your friends.
No one knows each other! All you’re going off of is first-impression vibes.
3) One of you will get so much more wrapped up in it than the other.
What do you *mean* you don’t want to meet my parents?
4) Weirdly enough, this won’t be what causes your eventual, inevitable break up.
Hint: it’ll be a stack of things. This is a list of the aforementioned stack of things.
5) This person will do something instantly, soul crushingly embarrassing for you and you’ll have to choose whether or not to stick by it.
Mine ruined a very sincere, deep moment between two women by asking us to watch a viral video. Leave me yours in the comments.
6) In fact, they may have a college career of ongoing social faux pas that will make your stomach shrink when you think about it.
Your friends: what did you see in them anyway?
You: (slowly disappears, fades out, never to be seen again)
7) This somehow goes double if they’re awkward and awful in class.
Ready to be Mrs. That F-cking Guy? Ugh.
8) You will attempt a casual situation before ghosting.
It’s best to break it off like adults, but some situations, sorry to say… ghosting is going to happen. And not everybody can do casual. No shame.
9) After not taking a hint, one of you will make a bigger deal about it than appropriate, and have a #SeriousTalk with you at a party about the state of your union.
Oh my gosh, there’s no union, relax.
10) You will have to repeatedly assert that this person doesn’t even count as your ex when asked by friends.
It’s not that serious! It was just a hook up!
11) That friend will actually wind up in a serious relationship with your former hook up.
Oops. Cut to you two hanging out in parties. Together. All the time now. Like they aren’t the worst.
12) Your former hook up will bring up the fact that you used to be a thing at the most inopportune times.
Like when you’re trying to flirt with someone else.
13) This piece of history will trail you for the rest of college.
14) Eventually you’ll find a sense of humor about it.
Hint: it’s in camaraderie with the other girls they’ve hooked up with and commiserating together about what questionable choices you made in the past.
15) But that’s not before they show up during the times when they’re the last person you want to show up.
HOW AND WHY ARE YOU EVERYWHERE?!
What do you expect from your first college hook up? How was yours? Who was it? Let us know in the comments!
You can follow the author, Aliee Chan, on Twitter.