Ask A Guy: How To Tell If An Older Guy Likes You

Hey Joel,

I see this guy often, almost everyday and I have developed feelings for him but I don’t know if they are superficial or somewhat real. We barely talk because he’s two years older than me. I was just wondering, how do I get him to notice me without thinking I’m a little kid and thinking I just have a “silly” crush on him?


Sorry to be harsh, but since you admittedly barely talk to this guy, it’s almost certainly a superficial feeling you have for him. There hasn’t been any real opportunity to know anything about him beyond his physical appearance, so it’s hard to have any real feelings develop. However, that doesn’t mean you should abandon any thoughts of getting to know him, as almost every relationship starts off on a superficial level.

Whether you’ve met via work, a dating app, or randomly out in the world, it’s going to be 100% superficial at first, as there is something about that other person’s appearance or presence that caused the attraction. I mean, if you find someone repulsive or just not the look you’re into, why would you bother talking to them in the first place? Once you get talking with them, the real person they are builds onto and eventually becomes more important than the superficial–and that is when you have a successful relationship.

So the real question is: do you want to get to know this guy better? If you do, then you need to take full advantage of the next time your paths cross. Since he hasn’t taken the initiative to make this happen, it has to be all on you. You’re already limited in terms of opportunity, so you need to have a game plan–maybe see if he wants to get coffee or something very casual. As I’ve said many times before, there’s nothing at all wrong with you being more aggressive in finding out if there’s something more than just this crush.

Like I said, start with someone totally casual, and if there’s no spark, then it’s just a superficial crush. If you hang out and are really feeling things, then make sure you don’t part ways without a second date!

Best wishes,


Joel Freimark has done a lot in life and seen even more. From last minute international travel to bizarre places to writing award winning books, he’s here to bring his wisdom to all your problems. He hosts a weekly advice series on Youtube and a music series also on YouTube. No question is too outrageous or personal, so go ahead and fire away! Follow him on Twitter.

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