No matter what you do or where you go, it can often feel like everything is about sex. In high school, it’s even worse, because it’s a constant topic of conversation and gossip: Who’s having it, who’s not, who wants to do it and who they want to do it with, how to dress/act/talk to make people want to do it with you. Rumors spread faster than wildfire and there’s no way of knowing who really hooked up with who in the back seat of their parents’ car last weekend. Being a virgin is all of a sudden something to be embarrassed about. All the cool kids are doing it; shouldn’t you? Except you’re not, and now you’ve graduated, and you’re going to college, and, oh my God HOW DID THIS HAPPEN, you’re still a virgin. Movies like American Pie and Superbad might make you feel really bad about going to college without having sex, but listen up: you don’t need to.
Despite how it may seem, not everyone is having sex in high school. Plenty of young teenagers are abstinent, and they all have their own reasons why. No one can tell you when it’s the right time to lose your virginity – that’s up to you and what you’re comfortable with. Just like you don’t need a perfect plan for who to lose it to, or where you’ll do it for the first time, the “when” can wait until you’re ready. There is no rush, and no one will think less of you if you graduate high school carrying your diploma and your v-card. We asked real people why they waited until college to have sex for the first time, and each one had a different reason. You can have your own, too!
Right Person, Right TimeJenny, 18 I wasn't really waiting for college, it was just the right person and that happened to be the time. I never really thought about when I would do it, I actually don't think it really occupied a lot of my mind until I met the right person and had a serious relationship. And then it became more of a thought and the timing just felt right after that. Image Source: iStock
Waiting For The PrivacyMike, 18 The opportunity would have definitely been there before. It was more of the fact that I wanted to be comfortable doing it the first time in like my own space, not hiding it in my parents’ house—which with a family of six is super hard. College gave me my own space so it was nice. I'm a romantic at heart, I wasn't just gonna screw some girl in a stairwell or the backseat of a car. Image Source: iStock
Didn't Have The UrgeKellie, 19 In a nutshell, I had three boyfriends in high school—one freshman year, one junior, and one senior—but none of them were ever really serious, and I think that I just had in my head that typical "I want the first time to be special" idea. I never really had the urge to with the guys I was with, and I almost didn’t think I was mature enough. Image Source: iStock
Wanted It To Be The Person I'd MarryCaroline, 21 I always thought I'd wait until I was married to have sex for the first time. I wanted the first time I had sex to be with someone very special and wanted the experience to be meaningful with someone I loved. I did not end up waiting until marriage to lose my virginity, I did end up having sex with my boyfriend of six months my junior year of college. That college boyfriend is now my husband [they're now 25]. I knew when I lost my virginity to him that it was with someone I loved and trusted. My advice to young women is to wait until you find someone who you trust and feel is worthy of you—because you ARE worth the wait. Image Source: iStock
Thought I'd Want It To Be MeaningfulShay, 18 I waited because I didn't have someone to sleep with. I wasn’t dating anyone. When you’re young I think you think about sex as really meaningful, that you should wait until you’re with someone where it means something. But then at college I was like whatever don’t care. Image Source: iStock
Waiting For Someone I'd Be Comfortable WithAnna, 18 There was no major reason. I knew it wouldn't be a big deal for me emotionally or anything and it wasn't a religious thing. I just trusted my gut. I had told myself when I felt comfortable with a person, and was confident and adult enough to deal with any potential awkwardness that comes with someone being inside of you (LOL) I would do it. This guy and I were hooking up and friends and he never put pressure (hence the elephant thong addition). So to summarize...I think I waited until I felt like I was making my own, self possessed, adult decision and was prepared to deal with the responsibilities attached. Image Source: iStock
Religious ReasonsKatie, 20 I was half brainwashed by the church to "stay pure," and then I realized that my self worth shouldn’t be based on my sex life. Image Source: iStock
Saving The Intimacy For The Right PersonGretchen, 19 I wish I had a good answer. I was just waiting for it to feel like it was the right time and with the right person. I never felt that way with my high school boyfriend and wanted to save the intimacy for a different time in my life. I didn't wait because of any religious reasons nor did my parents ever talk to me about waiting until a certain point or marriage to have sex. Image Source: iStock
Planned To Wait Until Marriage...Derek, 18 I grew up very Catholic. My parents met when they were young and got married after only knowing each other for a year. They set a great example for me and my three siblings, and helped us find our moral compass growing up. The girl I eventually lost my virginity to was a girl I expected to marry. We had been dating for over a year and had a number of chances to break our mutual pact to wait for marriage when it finally happened. Before and after we both reaffirmed our intentions to be married, though fate ultimately had other plans in mind and we didn’t end up together. Image Source: iStock
Waiting To Explore My SexualityRob, 18 I was practicing abstinence in high school, but that was sort of a guise. I was really waiting for college so I could experiment with boys in private, away from home. Image Source: iStock
When did you lose your virginity? Are you still a virgin and if so, why are you waiting? Let us know in the comments!