Ask A Guy: Here’s What It Actually Means If Your Boyfriend Is Watching Porn

Hey Joel,

I caught my boyfriend watching porn and he wanted to have sex right after. We did, but I didn’t enjoy it and he was pissed about me not enjoying it….but how could I when I saw him watching porn? I told him it made me feel as if he didn’t find me sexy enough or didn’t think our sex life wasn’t good enough, but he didn’t really care. Does the fact that he watches porn mean that I’m not enough for him? Should I be worried about him going out cheating on me or about our sex life?

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First things first: there is a massive difference between your boyfriend watching porn and him cheating on you. One does not necessarily imply the others, and there are countless scientific studies that show watching porn can actually be healthy in a relationship. I’m not saying you should be happy or even OK with him watching porn, but there’s no reason to assume he’s being unfaithful just because you caught him on his computer.

That being said, let’s focus on the actual problem here: you are uncomfortable with your boyfriend watching porn. Insofar as your own body image is concerned, it’s completely understandable that he has made you feel less than sexy and now you question how much he desires you. However, that may not be 100% the case, as the porn he was watching may have been something he is nervous about bringing up in the bedroom. Maybe he has a kink or fetish that he’s a bit embarrassed by, and this is the point where he’ll have to come clean.

What you need to do is sit down and have a calm conversation with him about what happened, and how you feel about things moving forward. If there are things he wants in the bedroom that you can’t/won’t do for him, then you need to decide if the relationship can survive with those absent.

Regardless, you need to be clear that him watching porn makes you feel less desirable, and even though it wasn’t his intention, he needs to respect your feelings. If he continues to basically blow you off, then that’s an even more obvious sign that you need to end the relationship.

At its core, there’s absolutely nothing wrong with watching porn when you’re in a relationship. The key, however, is being open about it and being sensitive to your partner’s feelings. If it gets in the way, turn off the laptop, and find new ways to enjoy the real thing!

Best wishes,

Joel

Joel Freimark has done a lot in life and seen even more. From last minute international travel to bizarre places to writing award winning books, he’s here to bring his wisdom to all your problems. He hosts a weekly advice series on Youtube and a music series also on YouTube. No question is too outrageous or personal, so go ahead and fire away! Follow him on Twitter.

Are you confused about a guy? Do you find yourself wondering, “What is he thinking?” Tell us everything in the comments! And if you have a question for Joel, email him at askaguy@gurl.com!

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