9 Of The Most Bizarre Sex-Themed WikiHow Pages You Will Ever See

If you are a person, and you have ever been on the internet, chances are good that you have ended up on a site called “wikiHow” on at least one occasion. If you are somehow not a person, and this is your first time ever being on the internet–hey, congrats!–allow me to explain wikiHow to you. Basically, as its name implies, it’s a community-oriented means of teaching people how to do things. It’s generally the first site to come up when you type something in your search engine that starts with “how to,” meaning that if you were to Google, say, “how to have a memorable first kiss,” or something, you’d be directed straight to a step-by-step guide written by an anonymous rando on the internet that tells you how, exactly, you must set the stage for this “memorable” first kiss.

Their motto is “we’re trying to help everyone on the planet learn anything,” which is a lofty goal, to be sure, but based on the sheer amount of knowledge-based content they put out, it doesn’t seem to be one they’re too far away from achieving. On wikiHow, you may learn, in no particular order, how to: perform a seance, make readers “more emotional with your poetry,” and how to eat less protein. Over the years, wikiHow pages have gotten progressively more polished and professional (that protein one was written by a registered dietitian, for what it’s worth) but there’s still a looming sense of anonymous amateurism when it comes to a lot of their articles. Particularly in regards to its sex-oriented articles, of which there are many. To be clear, it’s not weird to be asking these questions about sex, nor is it necessarily weird to crowdsource your answers.  It’s just that these particular pieces of advice are a little, if not weird, certainly… over-specific. Or something. Check ’em out here:

How To Make Your Girlfriend Want To Have Sex With You

You know what they say--you know you've found a great guy if he's following a wikiHow's sex guide to get you in bed.

Sexiest quote: "Don't make derogatory comments about other women. This will make your girlfriend feel like a piece of meat. Remember that you're not with your bros, but with your special lady."

Image source:wikiHow

How To Behave After Sex

It's not common sense. (Just kidding. It's literally all common sense.)

Sexiest quote: "Stay out of the kitchen – it is natural to feel hungry after sex, but that doesn’t mean your first comment should be “I could use some food.”

Image source:NAME OF SOURCE

How To Be Really Sexy With Your Boyfriend

You might be sexy--but are you *really* sexy? Not until you read this, you aren't.

Sexiest quote: "When he comes home from work, turn off all the lights, pull the shades, and lay naked on his desk. When he turns the lights on he will get a real surprise. However, do not do this unless you plan on further sexual activities."

Image source:wikiHow

How To Increase Your Ejaculate

I just...

Sexiest quote: "Do you want to ensure you're spreading your seed, sowing your wild oats, setting loose your little swimmers? Do not you worry...If you want to reach home plate and don't want your pinch runners collapsing from exhaustion before they get there, we've got your bases covered."

Image source:http://www.wikihow.com/Increase-Your-Ejaculate

How To Have Phone Sex

For when Snapchat is down.

Sexiest quote: "Phone sex is a great way to spice up your sex life, whether you're doing it because your partner is far away, because you're not ready to have other kinds of sex together yet, because you just want to try something new, or any other reason!"

Image source:wikiHow

How To Enjoy Phone Sex

Just in case your partner takes all of their phone sex advice from wikiHow.

Best quote: "If nothing is working and you’re really struggling to get into phone sex, try taking a step back and pretending that you’re someone who likes phone sex."

Image source:wikiHow

How To Have Sex Without Your Parents Knowing

Leave this open on your computer. They'll never know!

Sexiest quote: "Having sex in a car is doable as long as you can find a secluded place to park."

Image source:wikiHow

How To Satisfy A Woman

This is good stuff.

Sexiest quote: "Foreplay can be very fun for both men and women."

Image source:NAME OF SOURCE

How To Tell If Your Cat Is In Heat

I like to leave this open on my desktop at all times, just as a little prank.

Sexiest quote: "The behaviors of a cat in heat can be alarming if you can't recognize the cause, but these instructions will allow you to determine whether your cat is in heat."

Image source:wikiHow

What do you think about WikiHow? Which of these pages was your favorite? Let us know in the comments!

You can reach the author, Sara Hendricks, on Twitter and Instagram.

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