13 Flawless Middle School Relationship Goals You’ll Never Be Able To Achieve

I would like to start off this post by saying that, yes, the rumors are true: I did not date anyone while I was in middle school. At the time, I was far too busy with other things, like curating the right layout for my Myspace page and trying to convince people that while I probably seemed like I was into fan fiction, I had actually never written fan fiction in my life (due to my strict anti-fan fiction policy built on the premise that the very idea of fan fiction sullied the actual author’s intention) and thus, I simply did not have the time.

If I did date in middle school, however, I know exactly what it would have been like–I would find a willing suitor, and he would ask me out on the bus to the class field trip to Colonial Williamsburg by asking his friend, Gareth, to ask my friend, Ellie, if I wanted to go out with him “during the field trip,” a decision I would agonize over for an hour with my friends before deciding that, yes, I should have a boyfriend during this field trip, and we would walk around the cobblestone streets of Williamsburg, holding hands amongst the character actors in authentic pre-Revolutionary War garb, and decide that we officially wanted to be official at the end of the day, and then we would break up exactly six days later because he texted a heart emoji to Kara, my nemesis, even though he was “just asking for the homework.”

It would have been perfect. Basically, middle school relationships are just about as raw and real as any relationship will ever be. It’s like post-Lemonade Beyonce, plus mid-Views Drake, plus any particularly vindictive Rihanna song (so, you know–all of them), but, like, the Kidz Bop version, so it is cleaner, yet more shrill, so you can only listen to it a minute at a time. Does that make sense? It does to me. Anyway, middle school relationships are the best. Check out the best middle school relationship goals you’ll never be able to achieve:

1. Exchanging sweet messages like this:


 

2. And this:


 


3. And this:


 

4. And, of course, this:


5. Leaving your mark in your man’s Instagram bio:


 


6. Kissing at the fair, even though your mom is there:


 


7. Throwing all caution to the wind and finally talking to your sixth grade crush, since you’re about to graduate from eighth grade:


 


8. Taking adequate preparations before you hug:


 


9. Making sure bae doesn’t talk to the “hoes” by having him sign this very reasonable contract:


 


10. Publicly flirting with your “babe” on Instagram:


 


11. Saying “rawr xD” and having everyone know exactly what you mean:


 


12. Being absolutely heartless with your breakup methods, since word on the street is that Joey went to the park with Natalie:


 

13. Seriously. An absolute savage. Have fun with her, Ryan:

What do you think of these relationship goals? Do you think you’re capable of achieving any of them? Let us know in the comments!

You can reach the author, Sara Hendricks, on Twitter and Instagram.

14 Relationship Goals You Think Are Deep but Aren’t

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  • MrTrollyTroll

    Why is the last one not a meme?

  • Vader the Tater

    I don’t think I want to be with a girl that doesn’t want me TALKING TO/HANGING OUT WITH ANYONE ELSE BUT HER.

    That’s so wrong.

  • LittleGina

    Some of these are so annoyingly forced.