Jealousy is natural. Even the most confident, secure people in the world get jealous sometimes. However, while feeling jealous about your crush or bae flirting with someone else seems more “normal,” feeling jealous of your friends seems a little bit more embarrassing. Whether you’re envious of their looks, grades, dating lives, wardrobe, or something else, one thing is for sure: it’s something you don’t want to admit because honestly, it sucks. When it’s not confronted, that jealousy can easily lead to anger and resentment, which can lead to stupid fights. Jealousy is powerful enough to make you say, do, and think things that are way out of character for you. It’s not fun, which is why people are always looking for ways to stop it from happening.
That’s not to say it can’t be a good thing – sometimes envy gets ugly, other times it can motivate you towards the direction you want to go in. If you didn’t ever feel slightly competitive with others, you would feel a lot less inspired. Jealousy can ignite a fire in you that helps you do great things, or just pushes you out of your comfort zone. So, sometimes, getting over that feeling is more about embracing it and making it something positive instead. You hate that your friend got a whole new group of “cooler” friends to hang out with? Great – go tag along and make some new friends yourself. Or find other “cool” friends!
Want more tips on how to stop feeling jealous of your friends? Read on – this might not prevent jealousy forever, but it will definitely help when you need it.
Get Grateful On The RegularI am about to get cheesy on you, so bear with. It's really hard to get jealous the more aware of how cool your life is. It doesn't even have to be cool, but if at the end of the day you can take stock of three things you are grateful for or three "wins" you had during the day, any jealous feelings you had will start to melt away. Nothing stops comparison, unrealistic expectations, anger, and resentment like a heaping dose of gratitude. A lot of people like to have a whole separate gratitude journal, but if that's not your thing, that's fine. Having an active practice that keeps you aware and appreciative of all the great things in your life is essential to staying sane. Source: iStock
Identify Your TriggersWhat sets off the jealousy inside of you? Is it an appearance based thing? School? Professional life? Social situations? Knowing what triggers you can help prevent jealous flare ups in the future. It's also a good pointer as to where you're maybe feeling the most insecure or vulnerable. Take care of yourself in those areas of your life. They clearly need the most attention and love. When you identify what triggers you, next time, you can be armed with things that will help you not be jealous and even though those feelings might pop up, you'll be able to handle it better.Source: iStock
Go Do Something AwesomeWhenever you're feeling particularly jealous of someone, force yourself to do something fun or awesome or new, or just something that always makes you happy. Ideally it should be something that will occupy your mind, like some kind of cool workout, or something relaxing like yoga, or even re-reading your favorite book. Just do something that you know is going to make you feel good - those endorphins will win out over the jealousy. Source: iStock
Act The Opposite Way In A Real WayI have a friend who shouts "Oh my god, that's amazing!" any time something good happens to one of her friends as a way to combat jealousy and comparison. Even if she's dying inside, she does it. It helps rewire your brain out of a jealous thought pattern. Think to yourself "what would a jealous person do?" then do the exact opposite. Congratulate them in a real, genuine way. Offer to help or give praise from a non-attached non-competitive place. It's helpful to do one nice thing in lieu of indulging in or acting on your jealousy and hten let it go. Coutneract your initial impulse with something so not jealous and glaringly positive to set your brain straight. Source: iStock
Make Small Goals And Work Towards ThemIf your jealousy is bad, use it in a more positive way to make a change in your life that will make you feel good. But do so slowly, with small goals that are manageable. When your goals are smaller, they're easier to meet, and when you meet them, you'll feel great. Jealousy sometimes comes from having unrealistic expectations for yourself and comapring yourself to this person based on those expectations is a one way ticket to the crazy flavor of jealousy. This is the delusional kind of blind rage jealousy that can undo a lot of friendships. If you're jealous, chances are you want the thing to, so go make some steps towards having it. Source: iStock
Work Your Feelings Out By YourselfNo one wants to be around a jealous person. You probably don't even want to be around you when you're feeling envious. If you can't do nice things or say nice things because it's gotten that bad, take a step back and take some time for yourself and do a little self care. Listen to some good music, read a book, watch some TV, go for a run - whatever makes you feel calm or empowered, go do it. Frequently, other people and their opinions can make bad feelings worse because they'll stoke your fires. Unplug and step aside. More often than not, your feelings will resolve themselves if you give them enough space to. Source: iStock
Cut Yourself Some SlackYou don't have to have everything your friend does at the same time that they do. Everyone's trying their best with what they've got, including you, so you deserve to give yourself a break every so often. Jealousy often happens when we get really hard on ourselves and become angry that we aren't somehow innately better or already on the other side of something you're working on. Someone else's success doesn't automatically equal your failure. You have to let yourself off the hook every so often. Source: iStock
Stop GossipingIn high school, some friends and I used to talk about a friend who got into a fancy college because we all thought they were stupid compared to the rest of us. Why'd we do that? Because we all wanted to go to that school, of course! Gossip happens and I still indulge from time to time, but be aware of the malicious gossip that you may be spreading and why you may be doing it. Getting to the root of the why things happen will often tell you if it's coming from a place of good or from something that is bad for you. Jealousy can manifest itself in many ways and more often than not, it shows up as "harmless" gossip. Source: iStock
Do you get jealous easily? How do you deal with it? Let us know in the comments!
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