14 Things Single People Can Do That People In Relationships Can Never Do

As everyone knows, it is very important to never ever be single in your lifetime, even if only for a little bit. At least, this is what society (i.e. authority, the patriarchy, “the man,” etc.) would like you to believe–basically, by those standards. if you are not locked into a committed relationship with the promise of a ring by the time yo’re like, I don’t know, twenty-five, you are most likely doomed. Sorry, I don’t make the rules here!

But I will not stand for this! After all, I am known for nothing if not my subversive and controversial takedowns of cultural norms and oppressions. Plus, recently, I realized that there are some things you can pretty much only do if you’re single–like, being single is just as good as being Taylor Swift or Kylie “King Kylie” Jenner, if not better. So, check out these things that single people can do that people in relationships can never do:

1. Mock photos like this:


 


2. And this:

Take me here

A photo posted by Relationship Goals (@couplegoals) on


 

3. And this:

Some @motivationforfitness

A photo posted by Relationship Goals (@couplegoals) on


 


4. Relentlessly pursue unattainable crushes who you know will only bruise your heart and hurt your feelings:

A photo posted by Textpert App (@textpert_app) on


 


5. Use texting said unattainable crushes as a means of spiking your adrenaline levels:


 


6. Write and produce a single, “My Single Is Dropping,” which is dropping soon:


 


7. Post #inspirational memes like this as a “joke” but secretly accept them as the gospel truth:


 

8. Give all of your friends presents like this so they can be like “why are you doing this I’m not even single I think you are projecting on me” and you can be like “shhhh:”

A photo posted by InstaSingle (@insta.single) on


 

9. Wear this on a t-shirt to get everyone to accept, and eventually conform to, your Lifestyle:

A photo posted by @2broketeachers on


 

10. Use euphemisms to explain your “condition,” which doesn’t fool anyone but makes you feel good:


 

11. Revel in special, life-affirming moments like this:


 

12. And this:


 

13. And this:


 


14. And, finally, find, order, have delivered, and fully consume a new lover every single day:

A photo posted by InstaSingle (@insta.single) on

Do you think these are things you can only do if you’re single? Did I forget any good ones? Let us know in the comments!

You can reach the author, Sara Hendricks, on Twitter and Instagram.

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