Ask A Guy: What To Do If Your BF’s Ex Is Stalking You

Hey Joel,

I’ve been in a relationship with my boyfriend for almost 2 years and his ex whom he was only with roughly three months will not leave us alone. He says they were split up four months prior to meeting me. She passes our home daily and sometimes numerous times throughout the day. He and I work in the same location, just different places, and she circles the parking lot to see if we’re together or maybe to see if she can spot him. She’s constantly posting things on her Facebook about her love for him and things like ‘true love never dies’ and ‘when two hearts are meant to be together, eventually they will’ and lots of other things. My boyfriend and I have discussed this numerous times and he will not confront her, he keeps telling me that is crazy. I’m so sick with all of it. I’ve consulted the aid of our county attorney and she’s been to court, but she continues her nonsense. I’m about to lose my mind, help!


Wow! It sounds like you’ve got piles of drama on your plate, and on many levels, you need to be very careful with how you handle the situation.

If you’ve already spoken to an attorney, that’s a good thing. Work with your local police and judicial system to get some sort of restraining order in place. I know it’s both a lengthy and frustrating process, but if she’s really as bad as you say, it should qualify as harassment if not stalking, and there are legal ways to remove her from your lives.

I partially agree with your boyfriend about confronting this ex, as that can actually make things even worse. If he speaks directly to her, it could complicate the legal process, and she may even take that as an indication that her crazy behavior is actually welcome or leading towards getting him back. We know she won’t, but in a crazy person’s head, you never know what can happen. So while I agree he shouldn’t confront her directly, that doesn’t mean doing nothing is an acceptable option.

Along with the legal stuff you need to continue doing, I would suggest finding some time for you and your boyfriend to sit down and discuss exactly how this makes you feel. While the anger and frustration is apparent at the surface, the two of you need to discuss how it’s impacting your relationship and more importantly, what you both need to keep things strong between the two of you.

Sadly, it seems that for the most part, you just need to let the legal process do its thing, as confronting her will likely just lead to even more drama. It’s obvious that this girl has some issues she needs to deal with, and it’s best for you to just stay away as much as possible. Continued communication with your boyfriend throughout the process is key, to ensure your expectations and needs are being met. Stay strong and good luck!

Best wishes,


Joel Freimark has done a lot in life and seen even more. From last minute international travel to bizarre places to writing award winning books, he’s here to bring his wisdom to all your problems. He hosts a weekly advice series on Youtube and a music series also on YouTube. No question is too outrageous or personal, so go ahead and fire away! Follow him on Twitter.

Are you confused about a guy? Do you find yourself wondering, “What is he thinking?” Tell us everything in the comments! And if you have a question for Joel, email him at!

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