15 Things Kim Kardashian Does That You Will Literally Never Be Able To Do

Welp. If you have somehow been concerned with “more important things” lately, and have somehow missed out on the Hot Goss (a cool way to say “tantalizing gossip,” FYI) that went down on July 17th, 2016, it’s about time you learned what happened: Kim Kardashian exposed Taylor Swift by posting footage of her approving of a certain line on Kanye West‘s song “Famous”–you know, the one that goes “I feel like me and Taylor still might have sex/Why? I made that bitch famous?“–which she had said that she certainly had not approved of before.

Of course, there is much to unpack in the fallout of this event. Did Taylor know about this video beforehand? Are Kim and Taylor actually in cahoots on this? Has a Snapchat, one single Snapchat, ever mattered as much as this one does? I sure can’t think of any.

If we must choose sides, personally, I am on team “Everyone Is A Snake Trust No One Hiss Hiss Hiss.” Yes, Taylor Swift has shot herself in the foot many times in regard to the “Famous” track, and Kim and Kanye have the receipts for each bullet, but recording (and posting footage of) someone without their consent is, if not necessarily immoral, very possibly illegal.

But in the end, who cares about morals, right? These are very rich, very powerful people with things that happen in their everyday lives that are very much unlike anything most of us will ever experience on even the most special of occasions. It’s practically their duty to entertain us all with their insanely unrelatable lives. We’ve already talked about how most of Taylor Swift’s daily life is so completely unrelatable that much of it appears to be a very astute satirical farce on celebrity culture, but it is probably worth noting that there is almost nothing that goes on in Kim K’s life that could reasonably be committed to a “Stars: They’re Just Like Us!” column. So, check out these things that Kim Kardashian does that you will literally never be able to do:

1. Perfectly time your exposé of Taylor Swift for National Snake Day and act like you did it by mistake:

2. Spell “Snapchat” wrong but still entice people to follow you on it:


3. Publish an art book that is composed solely of your selfies:


4. Become the face of LuMee, a phone case that has the perfect light for taking selfies, because you have published an art book that is composed solely of your selfies:

Hey Guys! LuMee cases are featured today as Amazon’s Prime Deal of the Day. Best deal ever! #PrimeDay #LuMee amzn.to/29kDDyJ

A photo posted by Kim Kardashian West (@kimkardashian) on


5. Post a selfie with Democratic presidential nominee Hillary Rodham Clinton, but only to shill your LuMee light-up case:


6. Transfer $53 million USD into the joint account you share with your husband, Kanye West:


7. Post a throwback pic of you wearing a gold bikini and belly chain and blame it on your daughter, North West:


8. Have your husband, Kanye West, throw you a “pregnant” birthday party, in which all of your closest friends and family come dressed as a pregnant you:


9. Post this photo on the same night Beyonce releases a groundbreaking visual album, and still garner 829 K likes on it:


A photo posted by Kim Kardashian West (@kimkardashian) on


10. Create your own brand of emoji, made in God’s image (of your own posterior):


A video posted by Kim Kardashian West (@kimkardashian) on


11. Post this photo with this “not-even-trying” caption:

When you're like I have nothing to wear LOL

A photo posted by Kim Kardashian West (@kimkardashian) on


12. …and follow it up with this photo, taken with your close friend, supermodel Emily Ratajowski:

When we're like…we both have nothing to wear LOL @emrata

A photo posted by Kim Kardashian West (@kimkardashian) on


13. Star in Fergie’s “Milf $” music video with your other close, personal supermodel pal, Chrissy Teigen:


14. Cover Forbes magazine after the mobile phone game based on your life earns $45 million:


15. And, finally, post this as a tweet as a preemptive retaliation to anyone who’s mad about your Forbes cover, though it can basically work as evergreen content for anything you’ve ever done:

What do you think of Kim K? Would you like to do any of things she does? Let us know in the comments!

You can reach the author, Sara Hendricks, on Twitter and Instagram.

14 Things Taylor Swift Does That You’ll Never Be Able To Do

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