I really like this guy but he has a really bad reputation of being a true f**kboy. He’s known for asking multiple girls for nudes and stuff like that. I decided that I wanted to get to know him better and found out that he’s a really nice and sweet guy. He has changed a lot since we start talking but I am afraid he would only use me for sex. Is there any way to tell if he’s changed for good? Is it even possible to change?
First and foremost, people can absolutely change. Even the biggest jerk of all time can eventually come around to be a decent–even great–boyfriend. It takes time and commitment, and in most cases, there are a few stumbles along the way. But if it’s a yes or no of whether or not guys can change, the answer is yes.
That being said, if you’re worried that he might use you only for sex, that’s as much in your control as it is in his – if not more. To avoid him using you for sex, don’t have sex with him. It really is that easy. Take things at whatever pace YOU are comfortable with, and if he bails because you’re not giving it up right away, that’s his problem, not yours, and you know he hasn’t really changed.
Along with taking the physical aspect of the relationship at the pace you want, this also applies to sending him photos, sexting or anything of that nature. In many ways, sending him photos is even worse, as you can’t be sure he won’t screencap and maybe even share what you send him. In general, I say avoid sending illicit photos until you’re many months into a monogamous relationship. Given this guy’s history, I would say under no circumstances send him anything like this for at least a year.
My final piece of advice would be to pay special attention towards how he acts when he ISN’T around you. While he may present a changed and kinder guy when you’re alone, his true character will be exposed when he’s hanging with friends. If he seems like his old self around his friends, chances are he’s just putting on an act for you in hopes of getting some action.
While people can certainly change over time, they need to prove themselves before you can be comfortable buying into their new personality. When you’re considering a physical relationship and possibly sending steamy photos, the key is to take things super slow, and don’t give up anything until you’re 100% certain he’s a changed guy.
Joel Freimark has done a lot in life and seen even more. From last minute international travel to bizarre places to writing award winning books, he’s here to bring his wisdom to all your problems. He hosts a weekly advice series on Youtube and a music series also on YouTube. No question is too outrageous or personal, so go ahead and fire away! Follow him on Twitter.
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