14 Things Taylor Swift Does That You’ll Never Be Able To Do

Not to be a total Becky, but I just can’t stop thinking about Taylor Swift today. It’s not my fault! Taylor Swift is everywhere, which is exhausting, but not particularly surprising–in fact, today is a day much like any other, really, in that nothing is really directly related to Taylor Swift, and yet everything is related to Taylor Swift. There is the fallout of her annual Fourth of July picture-taking party, plus the continuing drama of her (possibly for publicity purposes-only) relationship with Tom Hiddleston, plus, you know, the lingering controversy of the Famous video.

My own personal feelings on Taylor Swift herself are mixed–I begrudgingly love her music and fully admire her post-gym style, but find her money-grubbing tendencies and meticulous, formulaic presentation of her “squad” to be suspect–but, ultimately, my individual thoughts on Taylor Swift don’t matter at all. No matter what you, as an individual, think about Taylor Swift, the brand, is irrelevant. Whatever you think of her is entirely dependent on what Taylor Swift (and her team) want you to think about her.  The number one thing that Taylor Swift wants to make sure you know? That her life is a delightful, swirling confection of fun that you sure would like to be a part of, but, logistically, most likely cannot ever attain.

Check out these things that are totally normal, casual, everyday activities for Taylor Swift, but you’ll literally never be able to do yourself. Probably:

1. Take this group shot with various Hollywood elite in front of a firework, while somehow still ensuring that you are the main focal point:

A photo posted by Taylor Swift (@taylorswift) on


2. Slide down a waterslide that heavily implies American nationalism with your British boo, Tom Hiddleston:

Pretty cool runnings

A photo posted by Cara Delevingne (@caradelevingne) on


3. Lurk in some bushes with your BFF, Selena Gomez, and use the lyrics from your own multi-platinum song as the caption:

Are we out of the woods yet?

A photo posted by Taylor Swift (@taylorswift) on


4. Experience some difficulty while trying to hold your multiple Grammys:


5. Slowly submerge Jack Antonoff underwater with your feet while you smize at the camera with one of your mid-tier besties, Lorde:

A photo posted by Taylor Swift (@taylorswift) on


6. Force said mid-tier bestie, Lorde, to hold onto your foot while you perch on a two-seater bicycle, because that’s the only way that one muscle on your quad will stand out the way you like it to:

Real love. @serayah @haimtheband @lordemusic @halstonsage

A photo posted by Taylor Swift (@taylorswift) on


7. Make a birthday picstitch for your close, personal friend, Lena Dunham, of the multiple times you have hung out together:


8. Crouch on the floor of your Tribeca penthouse with the Le Creuset cookware Jaime King sent you:


9. Throw the internet into literal spasms over your potential new love interest:


10. Even though your big romantic moment looks a lot like it would fit right in with that notorious “hospice romance” genre of films more than anything else:


11. Pose with the handmade sweater one of your dedicated fans made for you:


12. Verbally abuse Mick Jagger in front of thousands of people in Nashville, Tennessee:

Mick. Jagger. Nashville.

A photo posted by Taylor Swift (@taylorswift) on


13. Force Ryan Reynolds into an existential crisis with one single photo:

A photo posted by Britany LaManna (@britmaack) on


14. And, finally, pose with your childhood BFF and her fiance while your other BFF, Ed Sheeran, makes out with his fiancee in the background:

"Love actually is all around." Congratulations guys @abigail_lauren @teddysphotos

A photo posted by Taylor Swift (@taylorswift) on

What are your thoughts on T. Swift’s charmed existence? Would you partake in any of her activities if you could? Let us know in the comments!

You can reach the author, Sara Hendricks, on Twitter and Instagram.

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  • JustJenna

    That’s Blake Lively on Ryan’s lap, not Taylor.