7 Myths About Lesbian Sex You Believe That Actually Aren’t True

Most people, I have found over the course of my life, have a tendency to be confused about most things. This is fair. There is a lot to be confused about, after all–math. Taxes. What, exactly, the term “brexit” means, and why it is so important. But the most confusing thing out there? If you pay attention to what most people have to say about it, it would appear to be the act of lesbian sex.

Because of this, just as there are a lot of myths and misconceptions about heterosexual sex, there are also a ton of myths about lesbian sex. Brief disclaimer: I am writing this as a straight, cis-gender person, and I also obviously can’t speak for everyone and their own personal experiences, and what is or isn’t true about them. But, some meticulous internet research has confirmed my long-held belief that, yeah, there are lots of popular beliefs about lesbian sex out there that just plain aren’t true. Check out these myths about lesbian sex that you probably believe, but actually aren’t true:

It's Not *Real* Sex Since It Doesn't Always Involve Penetration

You've probably been taught, through a combination of popular discourse and sex ed classes, that sex can only involve a penis, vagina, and penetration. Period. But the truth is that you can actually create your own definition of sex, based on your own orientation and beliefs--if it feels like sex to you, then it is. For a more all-encompassing definition, basically, anything involving a consensual sexual experience between one or more people constitutes sex.

Image source:iStock

Lesbian Sex Never Has Penetration

While penetration isn't necessary for sex--see slide #1--that doesn't mean that it can't happen. In fact, about 16 percent of women in lesbian relationships regularly use sex toys to achieve penetration. There are strap-ons, dildos, vibrators, etc., that provide penetration for a woman if she wants it.

Image source: iStock

If A Lesbian Uses A Dildo During Sex, That Means She's Secretly Straight

What? No.  First of all, dildos, um, are not penises. Using one does not mean that a woman feels a lack of penis in her life. It's shaped like a penis because that's the shape that happens to fit inside of a vagina, and using a dildo just means that a woman wants penetration in that particular moment. That's it.

Image source: iStock

One Woman Has To Play The Role Of A Man

While some--though not all--lesbians identify as "butch"  or "femme," this certainly doesn't mean that a lesbian relationship has to have both components, or that these roles have to carry over into the bedroom. As comedian Mae Martin says, asking a lesbian couple who represents that "man" in bed is like "asking a vegetarian which part of the salad represents the pork chop." It simply doesn't compute.

Image source: iStock

Lesbian Sex = 'Scissoring' 

“Scissoring,” which is the term for a sex act in which two women interlock their legs (you know, like scissors) and rub their vulvas together, is a word that people like to throw around in reference to lesbian sex. And, sure, while some women do it, it's actually the least common sex act in lesbian relationships--in a study done at University College London on lesbian and bisexual relationships, findings showed that fifty percent of women surveyed regularly engaged in genital-genital stimulation, but oral sex, vaginal penetration with fingers, and mutual masturbation were all more popular. Plus, just in terms of logistics, scissoring can be difficult--it involves a lot of flexibility and positioning, and many women find that it isn't worth the effort.

Image source: iStock

Lesbian Sex Is *Just* Like Lesbian Porn

Nope! Just as heterosexual porn often bears little resemblance to heterosexual sex IRL, lesbian porn is...not super indicative of real-life lesbian sex. Most "girl-on-girl" porn was made by men, for men, so they feature women with bodies that conform to patriarchal ideals (generally white, thin, and hairless), as well as doing suspiciously heteronormative sex acts that usually revolve around penetration with dildos and strap-ons. While this certainly can be the case, lesbians (obviously) come in all shapes and sizes and carry many other acts in their sexual repertoires.

Image source: iStock

Lesbians Don't Have To Worry About STIs

Uh, no. While pregnancy isn't a concern, lesbians still need to use protection, since the transmission HIV and other sexually transmitted infections are still very much possible when genital contact and bodily fluid is involved. To prevent infection, make sure you trust your partner, use a dental dam, and use a condom when sharing sex toys.

Image source: iStock

Were you surprised by any of these? Which ones? Let us know in the comments!

You can reach the author, Sara Hendricks, on Twitter and Instagram.

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  • Benni

    I don’t understand most of those photos. What are they meant to be? And scissors? I dont get it

  • jessica mcclure1

    I am bi and all of these are true. almost NONE of these I do with my wife.???