Ask A Guy: How To Tell If Your Crush Is Shy Or Just Not Interested

Hey Joel,

I decided I had a crush on this guy about a year ago. From then on, it’s always been someone else talking to each other for us. His brothers will tell my brother that he may like me and my brother tells his brothers the same. Even though we don’t talk our parents do and just learning things about him makes me fall for him. About a week ago, my friends took it upon themselves to message him on Instagram. He didn’t message back as he knew it wasn’t me, but when my cousin told him to message back he did. We talked for a little, but he seemed very shy and kind of dry.

I don’t know what to do! My cousin says that talking to girls isn’t his forte and messaging him again would be weird as we haven’t really talked! I don’t know if he’s just super shy and has no game or if he just doesn’t like me! What should I do? Should I make a plan? Please help! I’ve never really liked anyone as much as I like him and I’m super nervous.


Shy guys are absolutely a thing, and there is nothing at all wrong with you being a bit more proactive about trying to make something happen. Don’t get caught up in the idea that you need to wait for him to make the first move or play hard to get or wait around. If you’re interested in him, get after it!

The fact that he’s shy, but doing his best to interact with you actually says a lot about both him as well as his feelings about you. If he wasn’t at all interested in you, it’s likely you would have gotten zero communication, so take some hope in the fact that at least he tried to respond. Maybe start off with some phone conversations, and then try and meet up in person. If he’s shy, taking it a bit slow might help.

Also, don’t let his lack of response on social media be any indication of how he actually feels about you. In both good and bad ways, the screens of Instagram, Facebook, etc. can easily lead to misinterpretations of tone and intentions, and it’s always better to chat on the phone or in person.

However, the whole “shy guy not talking much” thing has its limits, so don’t let him get too comfortable with the idea that he doesn’t have to step up. After a few conversations, if he’s still being very brief or sort of avoiding pushing things forward, then he may not be ready for a real relationship.

In the end, you seem pretty into him, so see if he wants to go spend an afternoon in the park or the zoo or something outdoors. It’s summertime, and having some people around you will help to make conversation flow easier. So make your plan and go get your man!

Best wishes,


Joel Freimark has done a lot in life and seen even more. From last minute international travel to bizarre places to writing award winning books, he’s here to bring his wisdom to all your problems. He hosts a weekly advice series on Youtube and a music series also on YouTube. No question is too outrageous or personal, so go ahead and fire away! Follow him on Twitter.

Are you confused about a guy? Do you find yourself wondering, “What is he thinking?” Tell us everything in the comments! And if you have a question for Joel, email him at!

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