Let’s talk about farting for a second: This innocuous act of gaseous release is both comical, harmless, and absolutely mortifying at the same time. It’s that last bit that we generally associate with the act, making us hold in farts for entire class periods so that we don’t dare release it in the middle of history class, or deciding to excuse ourselves to the bathroom when we’re around bae, so they don’t dare hear a sound escape from our bottom. There’s the walk and fart technique, too, which really helps up the ante of mystery, making the fart virtually sourceless, impossible to trace back to you. We take farting so seriously, but we know next to nothing about farts! Even those of us who shamelessly fart with wild abandon don’t really know what triggers ’em (aside from, you know, a burrito or something).
The best way to come to better terms with your farts–and you might as well, because you’ll be farting for the rest of forever–is to get to know them a little more. So, without further ado, here are nine things you definitely didn’t know about farting. Yes, facts that go beyond being able to light your farts on fire. Just plug your nose and dive on in.
You Fart About 14 Times A DayThink you fart way too much? You probably don't. On average, you fart about 14 times a day, and a lot of that occurs when you're fast asleep. If you fart way more than 14 times a day, you might have a digestive issue that you'll want to get checked out. You might not be able to digest dairy or gluten very well, or you might have a bowel problem. Fresh Meat
Your Fart's Potency Depends On Your DietDo your farts absolutely reek? Maybe it's not you with the awful farts; maybe it's your BF/GF, or your dad, or your sister. Either way, your diet might be to blame. Foods that are high in sulfates have a tendency to produce foul farts. For example, brussels sprouts, broccoli, cauliflower, and even almonds might be good for you, but can lead to some silent but deadly realness. Sulfate compounds are also found in meat and dairy products, which can produce killer farts. So, if you're snacking on yogurt in the morning, eating a burger for lunch, and eating broccoli as a side for dinner, get ready for a seriously toxic fart session that night. Pinterest
Beans Aren't As Magical As You Thought"Beans, beans, the magic fruit. The more you eat, the more you toot!" We all remember this, right? Well, it's not exactly untrue: Beans aren't the easiest food for your tummy to digest, and they contain massive sugar molecules that enjoy hanging out with some gas producing bacteria. So, yeah, they'll make you fart. But their reputation is a little over the top. A 2011 study indicates that beans don't necessarily make you fart significantly more than most other foods. Pinterest
Food Isn't The Only Root To Your Farting WoesFarting a lot isn't just the result of eating something that didn't agree with your stomach. For example, stress can cause excess farts. How? When your anxious, your breathing quickens, which leads to swallowing a lot of air, which can lead to bloating and gas. That's also why people believe that chewing gum or drinking through straws can cause farting: all that extra air. Chilling out (with a little bit of exercise on the side) can help you ease up on your fart count! Clueless
Women Fart Just As Much As Men DoYes, it might be more socially acceptable for men to make fart jokes, and they might be more shameless of farting right in front of you, but they actually don't fart any more than women do. It's just a little thing called gender norms that make it seem as if women don't fart as much. Pinterest
Your Fart Is Mostly OdorlessFarts smell terrible, right? Well, believe it or not, a fart is 99 percent odorless. Your fart mostly consists of nitrogen and hydrogen gas! Sulfate derivatives make up one percent of your fart, and that's the smelly bit. Saved By The Bell
Your Farts Smell Better To You Than Everyone ElseAre you a lot less bothered by your own farts than somebody else's? You're not alone, this is the case for everybody. It sounds weird, because, hey, all farts smell awful, right? But it actually makes a lot of sense. Think about it: You're used to the way your farts smell, especially if you're farting over 5,000 times in a single year. But somebody else's special brand of fart is unfamiliar to you, so it's going to smell a lot more potent, even if your farts smell just as bad as theirs. Warner Bro.
Some People Have Fart FetishesThere's a fetish for everything, and farts are no exception. People with fart fetishes have eproctophilia, and author James Joyce might have been one. In dirty love letters written to his wife, he waxed poetic about how much he loved her farts. Er, true love? AZquotes.com
The Size Of Your Poop Might Determine Your Fart's CharacteristicsAre your poops usually on the quiet side? According to Women's Health Magazine, that might be because you you have a large anal canal. People with large anal canals also tend to have larger stools, and generally tend to fart more quietly than folks with smaller anal canals. And this is the last time I will ever write anal canals ever again, thanks. Apple IOS
Which of these facts was most surprising to you? Are you pretty chill about farting around bae or does the thought mortify you? Any embarrassing farting stories? Tell us in the comments!