Moms are embarrassing. This is one of those things that are just objectively true, like saying 1+1=2 and things on the internet never quite go the way you’d expect them to–moms are embarrassing now, have always been embarrassing, and will continue to be embarrassing for as long as the word “mom” exists as a means of referring to someone who raises a child. It’s just the way they are.
Going along with this theorem, it is also true that, however embarrassing your mom may be, she must infinitely more embarrassing on a family vacation. Vacations, obviously, are great. It’s just that family vacations generally tend to be decidedly unglamorous affairs. They usually involve roadtripping to grandma’s house in Florida, enjoying the “pastoral” imagery while driving through New England, or say, taking a month-long RV trip to see everything there is to see between Virginia to Prince Edward Island (hint: not much) and when you get to Prince Edward Island your parents won’t even let you take the All Things Anne: Anne Of Green Gables Tour (which is basically the only good part of Prince Edward Island) because it’s a “tourist trap,” even though it is LITERALLY the ONLY reason anyone ever goes to Prince Edward Island, I DON’T KNOW, NOT TO PROJECT MY OWN PERSONAL EXPERIENCES ONTO YOU.
Ahem. Anyway. The point is that your mom, while you love her immensely and cherish her deeply and would not be the strong young woman with an endearingly quirky disposition that you are today without her, etc., is probably super extra on, like, every family vacation ever. The good news? She’s definitely not the only one. Check out these embarrassing things that are so positively mortifying that you thought your mom was the only one who possibly could do them, but…nope:
1. Planning everything, like, six months in advance:
2. Creating a family group message called “Family Summer Break 2016!!!! *heart emoji* *heart emoji*”:
3. Consistently sending updates to the entire family on said group message, like pictures of the guidebook and screenshots of what the weather is like at your destination:
Updates, it should be noted, that absolutely no one responds to.
4. Insisting that the entire family wear long pants and closed-toe shoes in the airport:
For safety. But is overheating really safe?
5. Fighting with the TSA guy about the exact amount of liquids allowed on the plane:
Let it go, mom.
6. Packing approximately 6854602690 pounds of healthy snacks so you don’t have to “waste money” while you’re on vacation:
7. Singing along to every song that comes on in the rental car:
Singing very enthusiastically, might I add.
8. Trying to set you up with the “adorable” lifeguard at the hotel pool.
9. Asking if every picture you’re taking is going on “the Instagram:”
MAYBE. But that is NOT the point.
10. Posting absolutely every picture she takes on Facebook and tagging you in them:
Even the one where you’re not wearing makeup, in the midst of biting into a sandwich, and saying, “Mom, please don’t take my picture.”
11. Chasing you around with sunscreen wherever you go:
I JUST WANT TO GET A BRONZE GLOW. LET ME LIVE, MOTHER.
12. Mimicking your waiter’s accent:
13. Using the “alone time” to corner and interrogate you about your crush:
14. Telling literally everyone you meet all of your personal failings:
THANKS FOR REGALING THESE RANDOS WITH THE PRIVATE TALE ABOUT THE TIME I THREW UP ON MR. LOHT, MY SEVENTH GRADE SCIENCE TEACHER, MOM. I’M SURE THEY ARE JUST AS UNCOMFORTABLE AS I AM RIGHT NOW.
15. Or, everyone you meet that you are “such a strong student, an athlete, and deeply involved in the community,” when really you are a B-average student at best, got kicked off the cross country team because the coach caught you running to Starbucks, and have never actively volunteered ‘time,” let alone anything else to this “community:”
It’s always gotta be one or the other. Why?
Could you relate to any of these things? Did I forget any good ones? Let us know in the comments!
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