Okay, look. I like being single. I have been single for much of my life and find that, while unattached people receive much of the brunt of ridicule in terms of movie and television portrayal, it is mostly not that bad. It’s easy for me to make the argument that being single when you’re young is great, and in some cases, even better than being in a relationship. After all, the Good Lord did not put me on this earth for me to complain about being single! I am here instead to attribute unnecessary meaning to memes, and also complain about more important things, such as the speed at which people walk in front of me when I have somewhere to be.
But. (There is always a but!) I think that most people can objectively agree that there are some things, some totally normal occurrences that, for whatever reason, somehow become absolutely unbearable when you’re single. This isn’t always the case, obviously, and often depends on the how fresh one’s single-ness is most people’s single-person morale tends to be lower in the days or weeks immediately following a breakup, for example), but, overall? They suck. Check out these totally normal things that, depending on your exact situation and perspective, low-key-to-high-key suck when you’re single:
1. Watching…most movies:
Romantic plots. Romantic sublots. Romantic subtext. Romance! It’s everywhere.
2. Listening to…most songs:
All songs, as far as I can tell, are are about: butts, being in love, or being heartbroken, none of which are particularly helpful if you just want to ~thrive~ in your spinsterhood.
3. Those memes that every parody account put out about “bae,” and their behavior with said bae:
when bae pops up on my phone screen. pic.twitter.com/V0tNKepLca
— Common White Girl (@girlposts) June 19, 2016
These are the same parody accounts, it should be said, that post all the memes about being single and hating it. What is the truth?
4. Coming across a “relationship goals” picture on the ‘gram:
Even if you hate those particular photos, sometimes it’s…triggering.
5. Walking around any time between May and August and seeing happy, beautiful couples in the throes of summer romance.
Couples who are infinitely happier and more beautiful than you. I mean, not really. But it sure feels that way.
6. Seeing pictures of couples on Facebook.
7. Particularly if said couples involve anyone you have been involved with in the past.
You are allowed to do anything you want, but anyone you’ve dated, hooked up with, or ever liked in any capacity is required to pine away after you until they die. SORRY THOSE ARE JUST THE RULES. I DON’T MAKE THEM UP.
8. Looking at your phone.
Unless your friend just sent you a particularly dank meme, chances are good that it will be DRIER than a DESERT, as they say.
9. School dances.
Yes–obviously, you can go by yourself, or with friends, but it’s nice to know that you’ve got a built-in date.
10. Family gatherings.
One can only answer the “So, are you seeing anyone ‘special’ at school, dear?” question so many times, after all.
11. Hanging out with friends when everyone gets into their “hoe stories:”
To be fair, being single sometimes entails more action. But, a lot of the time, it means having to listen to your friends talk about their recent ~escapades~ without having much to say in return.
What do you think about these things? Did I forget any of them? Let us know in the comments!