Best friends are the most important people in your life other than your immediate family, right? So what happens when your best friend – who’s basically your sister – ditches you for this new random person she’s dating? There’s no denying that it sucks being ditched, but there’s some extra sting to it when it’s your best friend. They’re supposed to be there for you no matter what! Friends first, right? Um, sometimes.
Unfortunately, new romantic relationships often drive two close friends apart – science has even said it’s true. Relationships take up a lot of time, and when your bestie starts dating someone, it means she has less time for you. Even if she’s trying really hard to keep a healthy balance, you’ll probably still see and talk to her less. And when she’s not trying, it’s even worse. Sometimes we watch our friends completely lose themselves in the person they’re with. If your friend has full on ghosted your best friendship with her, that’s a definite problem. Approaching this topic is always awkward – you want to express your concerns but don’t want to come off as jealous or petty. But we believe in you! Here are eight things you can do when your best friend (repeatedly) ditches you for a guy. Good luck!
Make It About You, Not Her BoyfriendWhen you talk to your BFF about your hurt feelings, be careful of the phrasing you use. Hint: it shouldn't be "Since you've been with this person, you suck" or "They've changed you for the worse." Instead, make it about how you're missing your best friend and how she could potentially show up for you in your life in a better way than... not being there as much anymore. Frame it around you and your feelings. If you make it seem like you're blaming him, she's going to get immediately defensive and she's just going to get mad. If you say it's about you, she might listen more.Source: iStock
Don't Sugarcoat Your Hurt Feelings Getting *too* confrontational might make your BFF get defensive and push you away, which is exactly what you don't want. But that doesn't mean you should act like everything is fine when it's not. Don't downplay what you're thinking too much - you have to find a balance. You don't want to say something like, "I hate your boyfriend and I wish you guys didn't meet so our friendship could go back to normal." But you also don't want to be like, "I miss you! Can we see each other more? Oh, you're busy? Okay, no big deal, it's totally fine, LOL!"
Instead, find a happy medium. Be honest when saying that you're upset, hurt, and maybe a little angry. Don't like it's nothing! Your feelings matter.
Check In With Her, Even If She Can't HangNot seeing your friend IRL can really set you back a few major life updates. You guys both start to feel out of the loop in each other's lives - you might hear about the big things, but what about all of the little things? You don't want to miss out! So, even if you can't see her, talk to her. Text her your updates and ask about hers. Talk on the phone sometimes. It'll make you feel close, still, and saves time on catching up next time you hang out.Source: iStock
Keep Inviting Her Out... Even Though She'll Probably BailFriends don't give up on friends, even when they fall off the face of the Earth. Let her know she always has a place in your friend group by inviting her along even if you know she's not going to come. That way, she'll be reassured that she's always included, but also that you guys are... hanging out without her, pretty regularly. Oops. Don't be passive aggressive with it, just extend a sincere invitation. She'll come around eventually. Let her know that you all are thinking of her and that you still want to hang. Source: iStock
Hang Out With Other PeopleOkay, you're going to miss your best friend, but you shouldn't be sitting at home on your weekend just because she bailed for the thousandth time. Call up someone you've been meaning to get back in touch with and see what they're doing. There's nothing like hanging out with your best friend, but you can for sure spend your new free time to get to know other people, too. I know, this might feel awkward and strange, especially if you're chronically shy, but the world is a big place with a lot of people in it. So, no matter how alone you feel, there's probably someone in your immediate circle who would like to hang out with you. Source: iStock
Make Plans A Week Or So In AdvanceShe can't hang out because she's busy this weekend. Cool. What about next weekend? Or after school on Wednesday? No, holding her weekend to see what her bf/gf has planned is not a valid excuse. You booked her in advance. If she claims to be busy, ask her when she's free and then book that time. If it's weeks away, so be it. If this person is your best friend, then can uphold a commitment she made in advance. Source: iStock
Invite Her New Bae To A Group HangFrame it as an excuse to meet this new person she's been hanging out with. If she's so tied to this person, why not bring them along to meet her friend group? Since it's a group hang, there's no singled out third wheel feeling to be worried about. After that, you can start working on getting her to hang out one-on-one or even just without her bae. It also shows you're supportive of her new relationship and you'd like to get to know this person, too. Your BFF isn't being forced to choose, which will probably make her feel at ease and less stressed about her friend/love balance.Source: iStock
Be Patient, This Too Shall PassDuring the first few months of dating someone new, it's hard to do anything BUT hang on this new person's every word and soak up as much THEM time as you possibly can. It's true for your friend and it'll be true whenever you start up a new relationship. Eventually, they'll fall out of that intesne love-fest and rejoin the world they used to live in. Two months can feel like forever - and if it's been an insane amount of time deifnitely speak up - but know that this too shall pass and that you will eventually get your best friend back. Source: iStock
Have your friends ever ditched you for someone they’re dating? What did you do? What worked? What didn’t? Let us know in the comments!
You can follow the author, Aliee Chan, on Twitter.