It sounds bleak, but it’s true: there are a lot of people out there who are in dead-end relationships, and they don’t even know it. One of the toughest things about dating someone for a long time is being able to step back and see the signs that the relationship is going nowhere fast. When you really care about someone, it’s incredibly tough to be able to admit that things aren’t going to work in the long run – or that things are never going to get really serious ever! It’s easy to ignore the warning signs and make excuses for bae, especially if you haven’t had the “what are we?” talk just yet.
If you’re that girl who’s too scared or anxious to ask their crush what’s happening, then you need to speak up! I get it: no one wants to be the stereotypical “clingy” girl who can’t be chill about a relationship. We all hail the Cool Girl who’s so relaxed she’s borderline ambivalent and an amalgam of a male fantasy as opposed to a real woman. But this panic about the “where is the relationship going?” talk is heteronormative AF – it’s also getting in the way of the conversations that need to be had. You need to make sure you guys are on the same page, especially if you don’t feel like things are secure. Dead end relationships happen to the best of people. How do you know if it’s happening to you? Here are some signs your relationship is going nowhere:
1) Date nights are predictable and boring af.
There comes a point in every relationship where date night starts to get more routine. But if it’s happened very quickly and it’s actually really boring and not fun, that’s an issue.
2) It’s either all about the sex or not about the sex at all.
If sex is the only thing holding you guys together, that’s bad. If it never happens, that’s bad. You need to be in a healthy middle ground area.
3) You stopped being emotionally attracted to them.
You should be able to talk to your partner. If you feel like you can’t, that’s not okay.
4) You break up and get back together over and over.
Your relationship is going nowhere because you’re going in a circle.
5) You avoid bringing them to hang with your friend group.
Or visa versa! If you’re not making an effort to join each other’s worlds, what are you doing? Why are you keeping it a secret? What are you hiding?
6) You avoid confrontation like the plague.
Ugh, quit trying to be chill. The what-are-we conversation is never chill. Not wanting to cause a conflict keeps a hell of a lot of people from being happy.
7) They can’t make plans any more than one month in the future.
Some things take more than a month’s notice. You want to buy concert tickets for November and they’re being real vague about whether or not they want them. Please.
8) They’re holding a crazy grudge over your head.
You’re staying in this relationship because you feel you owe it to them or they’re trapping you with some weird grudge. Either way, that is not okay.
9) Bae is being super judgmental.
Suddenly hyper critical where they used to be supportive and lovely. What gives? Can they just back off?
10) You can’t trust them.
God forbid anyone leave bae alone in a room with your cell phone, unsupervised. From trusting them to show up on time to trusting them not to sign in on your Facebook without your knowledge, you full on can’t trust the person you’re with. That sounds super uncomfortable and definitely unhealthy, for sure.
11) You have zero idea how they feel about you.
If a random stranger walked up to this person and asked how they feel about you, what would their response be? Do you know? Does not knowing send waves of anxiety down your spine? Yup.
12) You don’t know why you’re with them in the first place.
Be honest with yourself: is it for convenience or because you truly like each other?
13) You two say that you’re only casual.
Quit trying to make casual happen. Unless you high five instead of kiss, you can never fully convince me that “casual” is a real relationship status held by monogamous people.
14) They’re resistant to using any labels whatsoever.
Okay, here’s the thing: If I date another person, is that cheating? Does it only count as cheating if you’re boyfriend/girlfriend? I know we all like to pretend we’re evolved creatures and that words don’t mean anything, but we all could use a little more clarity here.
15) You still think that you can ‘fix’ them.
Spoilers: you can’t fix anyone. No one needs fixing. Some people need growing up and learning, but you can’t fix a person. They’re not things, they’re people. Huge difference. The idea that you can fix someone is a lie.
Have you ever been in a dead end relationship? When do you know it’s time to let go? How can you tell? Let us know in the comments!
You can follow the author, Aliee Chan, on Twitter.