Ask A Guy: What To Do If Your Crush Says He Likes You But Won’t Act On It

Hey Joel,

Okay, so I recently was asked out by the guy I’ve been crushing on for a solid three months. I said yes, of course, and so we went to see a movie. That’s where the problems began. I knew a kiss on a first date was too much to expect so I tried to hold his hand and he yanked away from me like I was on fire. He says he wants to go on a second date but won’t plan it with me. Maybe I’m rushing him, but I’m driving myself insane wondering what’s up with him. Can you shed some light on this for me?


I think what I’m most puzzled about here is exactly why this guy asked you out in the first place. From everything you’ve said, it certainly sounds like the last place he wanted to be was on a date with you. It’s no slam on you, because clearly he’s confused and maybe even a bit of a jerk–but it does beg the question of why you’d want a second date.

It is NOT too much to expect a kiss on a first date. If things are going great, there is no reason whatsoever to not end the evening with a kiss. In fact, I think it’s a sign that things didn’t go that well if there ISN’T a kiss on the first date. No kiss doesn’t always mean no second date, but whomever told you it’s too much to expect really gave you some bad advice.

Back to your date–if he didn’t even want to hold your hand, that is a massive red flag for his ability to be affectionate, and in some ways, actually want to be out with you. The two of you didn’t need to hold hands the whole time, but his childish reaction to the situation speaks a lot of negative volume about his overall character. Even if he wasn’t enjoying the date for whatever reason, there is a certain level of courtesy and kindness we all have. There were many subtle ways to avoid holding your hand, and “yanking” his hand away should have ended the date right there.

This all brings us back to the big question: why do you want a second date with this guy? He’s clearly trying to avoid it by not making solid plans. Combine that with his chilly attitude on the first date, and I think you’re setting yourself up for more disappointment. I totally get that you’ve had a crush on him for a long time, but my advice is to put him in the rear view and set your eyes on a new guy that will treat you right…even on the first date!

Best wishes,


Joel Freimark has done a lot in life and seen even more. From last minute international travel to bizarre places to writing award winning books, he’s here to bring his wisdom to all your problems. He hosts a weekly advice series on Youtube and a music series also on YouTube. No question is too outrageous or personal, so go ahead and fire away! Follow him on Twitter.

Are you confused about a guy? Do you find yourself wondering, “What is he thinking?” Tell us everything in the comments! And if you have a question for Joel, email him at!

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