What To Do When Your Parents Hear You Having Sex

Dear Heather,

So I was home alone with my boyfriend and one thing lead to another and we had sex. I didn’t hear a thing, but my dad came home early. We were being so loud that we didn’t even hear him walk through the door, and then walk up to my room… until he knocked on the door saying we needed to talk. My boyfriend and I both got dressed, and I told him to leave so I could talk to my dad. My father told me that I’m 21 and can do what I want, but not in his house. Now things are so weird. How do I fix this awkwardness between my dad and my boyfriend and I? I don’t want this to be a reason my BF doesn’t see me anymore… he feels really bad and won’t come over because he’s scared of my dad and making him upset. He just wants to have a great relationship with my father. Please help!


Eek! There is nothing worse than getting caught having sex – unless it’s getting caught by your parents (Sorry, didn’t mean to make you feel worse). This situation is definitely awkward, but the good news is that one day it will be okay. The bad news is that, with stuff like this, it often just takes some time to blow over.

You have two options: you can approach your dad, apologize, and beg for forgiveness. Or you can pretend it didn’t happen, try to move on with your lives, and wait for it to pass. I don’t know your family dynamic, so I don’t know what’s right for you. If you feel like you might die just thinking about saying “sorry you heard us having sex Dad,” then don’t say it. But if you guys are the type of family who are open with each other, then go for it.

I honestly think your best bet is to give him time to cool down. He most likely feels just as awkward as you do, and he probably doesn’t want to think about it, let alone talk about it… especially with you. It sounds like he said what he wanted to say. Now it’s up to you to just spend some time being nice to him and trying to smooth things over. What you did is by no means criminal – you were just hooking up with your BF – but parents feel overprotective, and so you also can’t blame him for freaking out and threatening you.

If you really feel like you need to be more proactive than just waiting it out, consider writing him a note or even a text apologizing. Just say, “I’m sorry about what happened and I feel awful. It won’t happen again.” Keep it simple. Doing this when you’re not face to face will be easier, and he might appreciate you saying something. But again, you know him best, so do what you think is right!

As for your boyfriend – he has the same options as you. Sure, he might want to avoid your dad for a little bit, but he shouldn’t do it forever. The next time you have him over, make a show out of not being alone together. Sit in the family room to watch TV and find somewhere else to hook up for a bit. If your BF is comfortable apologizing, he can definitely do that, but that’s tough!

Oh, and if he stops hanging out with you because of this, then honestly, that’s pretty lame. These things happen. It’s definitely awkward and uncomfortable, but it’s something everyone will get over eventually. So, just try to wait for the weirdness to pass. Time heals all wounds, as they say. Good luck!

What’s on your mind? Heather can help! Send her your question at heather@gurl.com

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