How To Make Anal Sex Hurt Less

Hey Heather,

I’m so curious about anal sex. I’ve done anal once but I was slightly…intoxicated. So I don’t remember much of the feeling. But now every time it hurts way too much! My BF can barely get 2cm in I swear. I don’t know what to do. Like we’ve tried lube, we’ve tried teasing first. My babe loved it the first time we did it and so I really wanna do it so bad but like the pain is unbearable. Any suggestions?


It’s great that you want to try new things with your partner! Anal sex is actually becoming quite common, but it’s still something that is considered ~taboo~ and risky. While some girls say they love it, it’s basically a fact that anal is more uncomfortable and more painful than p-in-v sexy times. Many girls have said that it’s something you have to do a few times to adjust to, some girls can never get past the pain, and some girls love it right away. It’s different for everyone! But if you want to give it a real shot, there are definitely some things you can do to make anal hurt less and feel a bit ore comfortable.

I consulted my friend Dr. Sherry Ross from the site HelloFlo (a monthly period package you need in your life ASAP) for some legit advice. She said, “While men are more eager to try it and like it, women are more of the mindset of ‘exist only!’ For many women, having anal penetration with the penis is painful, even if adequately lubricated.” This doesn’t mean it’s impossible though! Here are some tips:

Dr Ross first suggests starting slow. She said, “Some women may prefer a finger or two inserted into the anus to help stretch the entrance. Once the anus is more open the penis can attempt to enter more comfortably.” Have your partner put a finger or two there first. You can have a sex sesh where you just do that, or you can have him try it before putting his penis there.

Another suggestion? Use lube – a lot of it. In fact, don’t even attempt it without lube! You might want to try having p-in-v sex first, or having him go down on you first (whatever you like more) to get you more turned on and in the mood. Have him go very slowly and if the pain is that bad, then stop. Once it becomes unbearable, don’t force yourself to do it!

Dr. Ross has another important note: “Your partner should always wear a condom. While you won’t get pregnant through anal sex, you are still at risk for sexually transmitted infections.” Anal sex has other side effects as well. Dr. Ross says it is known for “making the muscles around the anus loose and stretched out. Over time this loosing can make it difficult to control your bowel movements. Anal sex can also cause tears around the anus and worsen hemorrhoids.” Just something to keep in mind!

She added, “Experimenting in bed is fun and enjoyable for most couples. As long as you are comfortable and consenting to sexually nuances than I say have a great time! Communication and honesty is key.”

What’s on your mind? Heather can help! Send her your question at You can also reach our buddies at HelloFlo with questions about your body or health. Just ask Dr. Flo at HelloFlo!


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  • Siouq

    If your man wants you to do it, and you’re hesitant, there’s no better way to break the ice than to insist you try it on him first. And if he’s willing to give it a go then maybe you will too. By all means go for it if you want. If he’s not willing, perhaps you can explore why, and why he thinks it’s okay to push you to do something he is unwilling? You deserve to be respected as a partner and if your partner loves you he’ll never insist you do something you don’t want.