Ask A Guy: How To Make The First Move If You Have No Experience

Hey Joel,

I’m a freshman in college and have a crush on a guy in one of my communication class. I’ve never been in a relationship and haven’t even had my first kiss so when it comes to liking a guy I have no idea what to do. We’ve talked a few times due to activities in class. I would really love to get to know him though and hang out with him outside of class but every time I try to talk to him, I chicken out at the last minute. I’m quite shy and being out of my element doesn’t help. Basically, I guess what I’m wondering is what the best way to make a first move is if you have literally zero experience?


While you may not realize it, you already have tons of experience in how to make the first move. At its core, “the first move” is just about starting a conversation, and I am guessing that you’ve talked to people before. Though it’s in a slightly different context, that’s all it really is.

More to the point, you may not realize it, but you’ve already made the first and possibly most difficult move–you’ve talked to him. Sure, it may just be classwork related, but the proverbial ice has been broken and it wouldn’t be completely out of the blue for you to strike up a conversation.

The easiest way to stop chickening out is to actually plan your conversation to some extent. Obviously you can’t predict what he’ll say, but prepare a few different topics you can talk about, so you don’t have to worry “what will I say?” With a simple game-plan in hand, it should relieve the majority of your anxiety, since you’re not trying to make things up on the spot.

In terms of “what” you can prepare to talk about, the least awkward starting point is the class that you share. Whether it’s complaining or joking about the professor, a funny thing that happened, or anything else class-related, you two already share that in common, and it’s a super easy place to begin. Once you’re settled in there, maybe ask what other classes he takes, or his major, or something else about school. It’s a logical place to move the conversation, but quietly takes things to a slightly more personal level. This can transition into finding out so many other things about him like hobbies and whatnot.

If he’s interested in you as well, he’ll ask you similar questions, and that’s sort of it. Don’t get freaked out thinking you have to carry the entire conversation, because that’s not reality All you need to do is have a couple of pre-prepared questions, and set it in motion. Go chat him up and enjoy!

Best wishes,


Joel Freimark has done a lot in life and seen even more. From last minute international travel to bizarre places to writing award winning books, he’s here to bring his wisdom to all your problems. He hosts a weekly advice series on Youtube and a music series also on YouTube. No question is too outrageous or personal, so go ahead and fire away! Follow him on Twitter.

Are you confused about a guy? Do you find yourself wondering, “What is he thinking?” Tell us everything in the comments! And if you have a question for Joel, email him at!

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