I don’t know if you can help me, but I hope you can. I’m in a long-distance relationship and one night I went out and drank and I called a friend to hook up. We did hook up, and the next morning, I felt the worst. I cried all day and I’ve been crying every day since then. I don’t know why I did it. I love my boyfriend with all my heart. I guess it was just distance, and I needed to be kissed or something because I didn’t even enjoy the hookup. I don’t know if I should tell him, because he’s been cheated on before, and I’ve only done it once! I plan to never, ever, ever do it again. I just feel horrible really, and I’m so sad. What do I do?
I can see that you know what you did was wrong and you feel really horrible about it. Mistakes happen, even big ones like these. I can’t tell you what to do with your relationship, but I can tell you what I think might be the best thing to do. Let’s start with asking yourself this question: what would you want him to do if he cheated on you? Would you want him to be honest with you? Or would you be okay with him keeping that from you?
Be honest with your answer. I, personally, would rather my significant other be honest with me. I would not be okay with continuing to date someone if they had cheated on me and kept it from me. The lie and deceit would make me (almost) more angry than the actual act of infidelity. Considering your boyfriend has been cheated on before, I am pretty sure he wouldn’t want something like this being kept from him – but then again, I don’t know him, obviously.
I’ll be real with you: I think you need to come clean to him. I don’t think it’s fair for you to lie about this – for either of you. If you never say anything, you’re going to carry this guilt with you for a while, which won’t feel great. It can potentially end your relationship or break his heart, but I think he deserves to know the truth. Call him or even meet up with him and tell him the whole truth: you don’t know why you did it, you feel horrible, you want to make things right, it didn’t mean anything. Be honest. Communication and honesty are SO important in a relationship! If you guys don’t have those things, it’s never going to work, especially since it’s a long-distance relationship. LDRs need even more communication, because of the fact that you guys aren’t together all the time.
The other issue here is that you need to confront the real reason on why you cheated. You are clearly missing something – affection and love IRL rather than through texts or phone calls. That’s normal and it’s okay to feel that way! Long distance relationships can be really, really tough, and they don’t work for everyone. I’m not saying they won’t work for you, but maybe you really need to consider if this is what’s right for you. What you did doesn’t mean you’re an awful person, it just means that you need to take a long, hard look at your relationship. Ending things would be really hard, but maybe staying together is a little too hard. This is the kind of stuff you need to think about.
I suggest being honest with your boyfriend, and then having a real conversation about your relationship. Maybe taking a break to figure things out isn’t the worst idea. Only you guys know that, but you need to discuss it without the secrets. Good luck.
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