Everyone who has a vagina knows that female sexuality is complicated, hard to understand, and not even close to being fully explored. You might wonder why, in 2016, when we have science that does so many incredible things, female sexuality is so misunderstood. Totally valid! There are a few reasons why we don’t know the things we need to know about what turns women on.
One: female sexuality is seen as a bad thing. Women are punished and ridiculed for being real about their feelings about sex. Years and years of slut-shaming has conditioned many women to hide their desire for sex – it’s taboo, and if people aren’t talking about it or asking about it, how are we ever supposed to learn anything? Two: while some research has been done on this topic, not nearly enough has happened. Without science-backed theories or research, most people are hesitant to believe certain things. Three: both of those things have contributed to the way society thinks about female sexuality, which is that it’s not as strong as a man’s sexuality, and that’s it some inferior. It’s hard to change what everyone has grown up believing.
But let’s forget what you may have learned (or not learned) about how women think of and feel about sex, because there is a lot you don’t know. I didn’t even know it until recently. We, as women, need to understand more of what’s going on down there, and in our heads, in order to fully accept and embrace our sexuality. These facts don’t just make good conversation – they can be vital to understanding ourselves. These 10 surprising facts about female sexuality might make you feel a little uncomfortable, but maybe that’s a good thing. Here’s the truth about what turns women on, what gets women off, and more:
Female Sexuality Is More Flexible Than Male SexualityYou may have heard the recent research that female sexuality is very flexible. Here's the deal: a new evolutionary theory is saying that women may have been evolutionarily designed to be sexually fluid, which means that their sexual desires and identities can change from lesbian to bisexual to straight again. This connects back to polygamy - basically, women are more sexually fluid so that their husbands could have other wives, and the wives could sleep together, making things easier for everyone. That sounds CRAZY, but what doesn't sound as crazy is the whole flexible sexuality thing (which we'll get to in a minute). Researchers are supporting the idea by saying that it explains a lot - like why males have always been so turned on by lesbian sex and how menstrual cycles can sync up. Super interesting! Source: iStock
All Women Are Attracted To Other WomenAnother fairly recent study found that women might be straight at all. This research says that all women are attracted to both males and females. The doctor said, "Even though the majority of women identify as straight, our research clearly demonstrates that when it comes to their physiological sexual arousal, they are either bisexual or gay but never straight." Basically, all women are attracted to other woman. A woman can be bisexual or a lesbian (the difference there is that women are more aroused by other women), but not straight. That's a lot to take in - and it doesn't exactly seem accurate. As Refinery 29 points out, being straight is about more than who you want to have sex with - it's also about who you want to date and be with all the time. Wanting to have sex with someone is totally different than being in love with someone. So, yes, maybe it's true that all women are attracted to other women, but saying no woman can be straight is quite a big statement to make. Source: iStock
Women Are Just As Visually Stimulated As MenWhenever anyone talks about the sexual differences between males and females, they talk about how men are more visually stimulated, while females are not. According to author Daniel Bergner, who wrote a research book called “What Do Women Want? Adventures in the Science of Female Desire," this is not true. Through research, he found that women are just as visually stimulated as dudes - in fact, women might even be more easily turned on. Any woman who has ever been turned on by porn or sex scenes can agree with that. Source: iStock
Women Have Difficulty With MonogamyI constantly hear people say things like, "Men aren't fit for monogamy, that's why they cheat more." That has always sounded absurd to me, especially the notion that men aren't fit for monogamy, but women are. For every dude I know who doesn't believe in monogamy, I know a woman who feels the same way. And Bergner's research vouched for that also. According to the New York Post, one study of long-term couples found that a woman's lust went away faster than it did for men - furthermore, when a man started acting more domestic, it turned women off even more. There isn't enough research to say for sure, but it appears as if men and women have similar feelings about monogamy. Source: iStock
Sex Isn't Always About Emotions For WomenIf I had a dollar for every time I heard someone say something about how dudes can have sex without feelings but women can't, I would be rich. I'm happy a study is proving this wrong! Bergner found that emotional intimacy isn't always as strong for women as everyone thinks it is. Sex for women can be just as animalistic and raw as it can be for men. Sometimes it's just about being turned on, no emotions attached. Source: iStock
Women Can Be Turned On Without Realizing ItA study from a few years ago found that women can be turned on without even knowing they're turned on. While men get turned on and automatically know because they get an erection, the same can't always be said for women. A lot of women feel some kind of response in their genitals, but don't feel turned on - or vice versa. The study basically said that men and women have different arousal experiences, which is definitely true. Source: iStock
A Lot Of Women Fantasize About Being SubmissiveSexual fantasies are deeply personal and different for everyone, but science shows that a lot of women fantasize about being submissive. In this research, 65 percent of women reported being turned on by sexual submission (basically letting a partner dominate them). Interestingly enough, many of those women said they would never want to act on that. Source: iStock
Rape Fantasies Are More Common Than You ThinkDo fantasies about sexual submission equal rape fantasies? Source: iStock
Women Reach Their Sexual Peak Earlier Than MenA study of 1,000 adults revealed that the majority of women said they had their sex lives at 26-years-old, while men said 32. This goes against the long-standing belief that women reach their sexual peak later than men, which is interesting. So, which is true? Well, we don't know for sure... but keep in mind that this study was only done on 1,000 adults. Compared to the billions of people on this earth, that's nothing. Source: iStock
Women Are More Sexual Than Anyone BelievesThe main result of Bergner's book and all of the studies discussed above? Women are much more sexual than anyone thinks. Society is used to thinking of women as either sexless creatures or sluts who can't get enough of doing it. It's an unfair view of female sexuality, and it's one that we need to challenge. Don't be afraid to be sexual - you are most certainly not the only woman who is. Source: iStock
Which one of these studies surprised you the most? What did we forget? Let me know in the comments.