Ah, elementary school. Primary school, if you live in England. Grammar school if you are a character in a gritty novel that takes place in turn-of-the century New York City. No matter what you call it, though, it is definitely a, um, formative time, since it is full of violent, deeply scarring “fun games” like Duck-Duck goose, and Red Rover, and Dodgeball, all of which mold us, and modern society, far more than we realize.
In fact, I’m pretty sure that elementary school is one of those things that, no matter how much time passes, always takes on a moderately-to-severely mortifying tinge when you look back on it a few years later. For example, one time, when I was in fourth grade, upon an announcement from our reading specialist that we’d gotten a new book about the spread of disease in colonial Williamsburg, I got so excited that I jumped out of my chair and tried to grab it out of her hands. It was the middle of class. I was sent to time out. It was embarrassing. Of course, that was a highly individualized experience, but I am sure you can relate in some way because, when it comes to elementary school, there are definitely more than a few humiliating moments that unite us all. Let’s check ’em out here:
1. Letting your parents dress you in whatever the heck they want for the first half of elementary school…
2. …but taking over and dressing your own darn self for those last few grades. You are a TWEEN now, after all.
3. Except for picture day. Mom always dressed you for that.
When you let your mom cut your hair and she tells you what a handsome young man you are pic.twitter.com/pN7JHLuQ7O
— ghost mom (@radtoria) December 1, 2015
4. Developing deep, emotionally-scarring crushes.
5. Deciding that you have “depresson” if they don’t like you back.
found my diary from when I was 7 I'm dying pic.twitter.com/M57wJhsmFd
— мadie (@madiecardon) May 16, 2016
6. Accidentally calling your teacher “Mom:”
7. Crying over, like, anything that was vaguely traumatic.
8. Acting in school plays that you thought were Tony-worthy at the time, personally, but a later glance at the VHS reveals was…not the case.
9. Getting in very intense fights with your friends over who gets to use the Skip-It at recess, or write on the whiteboard during class.
10. Being the one person who wasn’t allowed to shop at Forever 21.
11. Being the one person in your class without a cell phone.
12. Or, if you had a cell phone, sending straight-up mortifying breakup texts.
HAHAHAHAH oh my god my sisters "official break up" with her bf pic.twitter.com/IGyglQQA6m
— Madi Nickens (@madinickens) June 30, 2015
13. Having an “accident.”
You know. Peeing your pants. WHATEVER. IT HAPPENS. (In elementary school.)
Could you relate to any of these things? Did I forget anything? Let us know in the comments!
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