Ask A Guy: What To When Your Friends With Benefits Ghosts You?

Hey Joel,

This guy and I had been talking and hooking up for about three months, but we got into an argument one night and the last thing he said was “I’m attempting to sleep” so I didn’t text back. It’s been a month and a half and I can’t get him off my mind. Can a girl ever send the initial “let’s talk again” text? If so, what’s the best way to do it?


The basic question of “can a girl make the first move,” regardless of the circumstance, is always the exact same answer: absolutely yes! There is no reason whatsoever that you should feel awkward or out of place for going after whatever it is you want. If a guy gets uncomfortable or intimidated by that, he’s not worth your time–trust me!

I think the real question is, why are you still so infatuated with this guy? If he is so immature that he lets one little tiff end things completely between the two of you, that’s not a good sign at all. Things happen in relationships, and often times, there are disagreements. If you’re looking for a real boyfriend, you want to find someone that can talk through problems, and has enough respect for you to try and resolve problems quickly.

It may take a few hours for both of you to calm down and collect yourselves, but the time frame you’re dealing with is an entirely different beast. Any way you slice it, two months is beyond unacceptable in terms of trying to rekindle something. To be honest, two days would have been pushing it. There’s really no reason for communication to have remained silent for as long as it has, and since he sort of had the last word, much of that rests on him.

One other note is that I think texting is about the worst possible way to communicate. You lose all of the intent and feeling, and words can easily be misinterpreted. Especially when there is tension or an argument going on, if you can’t be face-to-face, at least talk on the phone or Skype. It’s a rare occasion that disagreements are resolved via text, so be aware in the future.

When it comes down to it, if you were the one who had caused all the drama in the first place, and he hadn’t dropped that cliché “trying to sleep” bit, I might agree that you should reach out to him. However, given the entirety of the situation, I suggest you move on and find yourself a better guy.

Best wishes,


Joel Freimark has done a lot in life and seen even more. From last minute international travel to bizarre places to writing award winning books, he’s here to bring his wisdom to all your problems. He hosts a weekly advice series on Youtube and a music series also on YouTube. No question is too outrageous or personal, so go ahead and fire away! Follow him on Twitter.

Are you confused about a guy? Do you find yourself wondering, “What is he thinking?” Tell us everything in the comments! And if you have a question for Joel, email him at!

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